One Last Wish
by Double
Summary: [Complete] PART 1 OF BEFORE ETERNITY ANTHOLOGY. I was stuck in between, the two choices going in complete opposite directions, pulling me apart. I was frustrated, but even the agony was slowly breaking into two.KuramaXHiei, yaoi. please R&R.
1. A New mission A Long Mission

*All characters belong to Yu Yu Hakusho by Yoshihiro Togashi. They are not mine. (crap) I have changed this chapter a bit because my friend typed this last time and there are some small errors. There are parts in the story that I want to use three continuous full stops to show hesitation, but somehow fanfiction.net had cut it down to one. So if you see some weird places with full stops at the wrong spots, sorry.  
  
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Chapter 1: A New Mission; A Long Mission  
  
A new beginning marks the end  
To the long and precious, yet painful past  
A new beginning marks the start  
To create new memories, bear with it, no matter how painful it is.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
The yellowish sky, dead and acidic air, which caused all the plants to wither. Sandy soil almost buried my feet when a strong gust of wind blew by, across the Makai forest. That was where I had spent my last month, training against the harsh weather. I had seen the forest of Ningenkai and admit that it was beautiful and placid, but in order to survive in the world where the weaklings got killed, I would rather die than making up lies to convince myself and hide in those Ningenkai forest.  
  
My ki flared when I sensed something, and died down when I found it was Koenma.  
  
"I have a new mission for you."  
  
"Hn"  
  
"You have to live in Ningenkai as a normal human for a year. Your identity would be Kurama's, or Minnamino Shuuichi's distant cousin who does to Tokyo to study for a year. I would change Minnamino Shiori's memory and you will live together with Kurama. Report to me any suspicious event, but I will tell you the details later. You will be spy so act like one. Less information would benefit you."  
  
"What if I don't accept this mission?"  
  
"It's up to you and I won't force you, but this mission is dangerous. Are you up to the challenge?" With that, he disappeared.  
  
I knew he was trying to make me angry, and I decided to take the bait. One year to a youkai is nothing, actually, and staying in Makai for training is tedious too. I bid farewell to Makai on the spot and started hurrying to Kurama's house.  
  
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I hid my youki when I arrived at that familiar tree beside Kurama's window, where I spent many of my nights. Kurama was clearly visible from where I stood. He had just waked up and was tending to his crimson silk- like hair, which in my opinion, did not need combing at all. It all just fell so neatly onto his shoulders and back. With every stroke of his hand, his liquid like elegance was shown, which could not be mastered by anyone but this youko. He had his window open, apparently foretelling my appearance. After my observations, I hopped lightly onto his windowsill.  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
I felt his youki once he landed on the tree, but since he wanted to keep hidden, it was not good for me to point him out. Finally, he decided to come over, and my heart skipped a bit out of control.  
  
"You are finally here." I said keeping my eyes as tranquil as ever.  
  
"Hn. What is this mission all about anyway?"  
  
"There must be a reason for all the things done in the world, so it is not appropriate for me to ask Koenma too much questions." I looked at the koorime and seeing that he was not hurt, I felt slightly better. I had not seen him for a month and cannot help missing him a little. Although I did not know when he would come, but I would always keep my window open.  
  
"Alright, I will dress you up and after that, you will enter through the main door and introduce yourself to my mother. Your name is Tanaka Hiei, remember that." I turned around and took out all the clothes I bought for Hiei after I had known our mission. I spent a whole ton of time picking clothes for him because not much clothes were of his size and I was sure he would not like children's clothing.  
  
"What are those in your hand?"  
  
"Ningen clothes for you to wear. I will help you or else you would just tear them to shreds."  
  
"I can do it myself, baka kitsune."  
  
I couldn't help but smile as I saw the tiny blush that crept to his cheeks, mixed with that death glare he gave me. He just looks so cute this way. I guess I showed my feelings too much because Hiei just gave me another fierce glare that said if I don't keep my thoughts to myself, he would kill me. That just made him look even cuter. I could not suppress any longer and chuckled.  
  
"Shut up! Kitsune!"  
  
I know when I have crossed the limit, so I stopped laughing and tossed the clothes to him, which he caught as if he was holding a bomb.  
  
"Tell me if you need any help." I turned around, not wanting to cause him more embarrassment. I tried fixing my eyes on the book on my desk, pretending to study them in order to cover my nervousness. After a dreadful period of silence, about 5 minutes, but it seemed much longer.  
  
"Can you help me to pull this thing together?"  
  
I turned and saw that Hiei had worn the jacket front to back and trying desperately to zip the zipper, which was supposed to be in the front. The pants were inside out, and he had somehow tied this katana to the belt. I guess I must have had a weird expression. (sweat drops)  
  
"Told you. You need my help." I took off his jacket and reversed it. He seemed to be even more muscular, but some how his skin still stayed smooth and pale after those trainings under the Makai sun. My hands trembled a bit and had to try twice before pulling up the zipper successfully.  
  
"Are you cold?"  
  
"No." Now I felt hot in the face.  
  
"Are you hot?"  
  
"No." Now I'm sure my face must have been the colour of my hair so I quickly bent down to remove his katana. What was with me today?  
  
When I absolutely sure I had turned back to normal, I rose, taking his katana.  
  
"No katana in the Ningenkai if you want to be a spy."  
  
"Do you think I would let you keep it?"  
  
I felt his ki going a bit wild, and I knew he hate Ningen stuff so this mission was not going to be easy. At least he could stay with me for a year and I would not have to look out of the window every night.  
  
"No, so I would give it to Koenma for safekeeping."  
  
"Hn"  
  
"The pants are inside out, and you have to take them down and reverse it before wearing it again. Do you want me to help?" I lifted a brow and if he said yes, I swore I would have jumped off a cliff. As I expected, his eyes said everything, though I could not help wondering what was hidden behind those scarlet pupils - a strong defensive wall to the inner part of The Forbidden Child.  
  
I started packing the stuff he needed to make him look as if he really was a Ningen when suddenly I felt something burn behind me. I turned and saw that edge of Hiei's pants where starting to burn up. I should have known. His body temperature is slightly off the normal scale.  
  
"Hiei, control your body temperature. I don't want to return one day and find the house completely burnt up!" I quickly kneeled down and smothered the fire.  
  
"Why do you not stay away from me?"  
  
I was a bit taken aback by the question, though I answered instinctively.  
  
"I don't find the need to."  
  
"You know The Forbidden Child brings disaster to the people or youkai around him, why are you not afraid?"  
  
"Even if you do being disaster, I believe I could ward it away. I do not live centuries for nothing. Besides, I fell happy to be around you."  
  
I looked up and found him looking at me with an expression, which I could not tell what he was thinking of. Maybe I have said a little too much. When I fixed my gaze on his eyes, I saw my reflection in them, and some how, I felt.content. A gentle smile crept to my lips.  
  
I gave him the luggage bag I have packed and saw him jump out of the window, though no sound of landing was heard.  
  
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Hiei's POV  
  
I landed on the grass quietly and walked around the house to the front door. Walking was a slow and inefficient way of traveling, or else I could have got to the doorstep within a second.  
  
I thought back to what had happened and found everything.out of my control. Even I did not know why my youki had hone wild and ended up burning the Ningen clothing. As for those questions I asked, they were totally ridiculous. I did no know what overtook my mind, but what were even stranger were Kurama's answers. I should not be able to make anyone happy, let alone the infamous Youko Kurama, and the shock his answers brought was huge and I made tremendous effort not to show it. I was definitely not expecting such an answer, or was I?  
  
The way Kurama's emerald green eyes looked at me, his smile so small that was hardly noticeable. They all seemed so sincere, but I knew very well that sincerity and youko were the last things on the planet to match. I could feel myself giving in to some stupid Ningen feelings and I must stop it. It's all that darn kitsune's fault. I really felt like slicing him up using my katana sometime. Oh, right. My katana was already taken away.  
  
I arrived at the front door of the house and found that the garden was filled with blooming roses. Do they still bloom in winter? I'm not sure but Kurama's rose never withered. I'm turning soft, all right. I lifted my hand to the doorbell button and pressed. My 1-year Ningen life had started from that point. 


	2. A Ningen World A Pathetic World

Thanks for all the support and I will try to upload faster. Give me more reviews and I will do a better job. Thanks a lot. (After all I am just 14. Hontoni)  
  
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Chapter 2: A Ningen World; A Pathetic World  
  
Look at those creatures  
  
Who could not even protect themselves  
  
Relying on other kinds  
Without even knowing it. Pitiful, isn't it?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
The door opened and there stood Shiori, Kurama's so called mother.  
  
"Oh! You must be Hiei-kun. You look just like the way your mother described you. Come in. Shuuichi, help the guest to take his luggage."  
  
I swore the 'mother' Shiori talked must be Koenma. I handed the bag back to Kurama and was led into the house. As much time as I spent in Kurama's room, the whole house was unfamiliar to me. I was brought to a room near Kurama's and was told that it would be my room. I did not even care how it looked like.  
  
As soon as Shiori was gone, Kurama started unpacking. Isn't everything a waste of time?  
  
"You will go to school with me tomorrow."  
  
"I cannot stand those Ningen."  
  
"You must learn to. Have you not learnt to tolerate after living for about three centuries?"  
  
There was a wink of mischief in his eyes. It seemed simple enough to understand his expression but is it the real meaning behind it? Things are not completely what they seem on the surface if you have lived decades of centuries. Even I am young compare to him, or should I say immature? Age of a youkai could not be clearly defined by young and old. I could not even classify the form I call "Kurama" standing in front of me. He was not the cold-blooded seductive Youko Kurama, nor the normal Ningen Minnamino Shuuichi. I did not know what to make of him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ohayou! Today we have a new student coming to our class. His name is Tanaka Hiei. Hiei-kun, do you mind introducing yourself?"  
  
"Hn." Who was this person standing in front of everyone anyway? Why was I made to stand here too? Why was there a dead silence in the air and why was everyone staring at me? I could never understand these silly simple mind if Ningen.  
  
"Well, looks like Hiei-kun does not like to talk. Please sit beside Shuuichi-kun."  
  
I almost did not respond to the name Shuuichi.  
  
"Yoroshiku, Hiei-kun." Kurama gave me one if his nice-to-meet-you smile and I heard many girls behind me squeal in delight. I merely gave him a glare. If he continues to smile that way, my eardrums would burst form the noise.  
  
I knew Ningen are stupid, but I did not expect them to be so extremely boring too. I almost fell asleep, but woke up by Kurama's knock on the head. Felt like slicing him up again.  
  
Finally, a bell rang and I could get out of that room. I sped to the rooftop, wanting some fresh air. Opening up my jagan, I saw all of the school building, but no trace of unfamiliar youki was found. Who the hell am I spying on?!  
  
"Hiei, time for lunch!"  
  
I almost jumped out of my skin.  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
I knew it was a hard day for Hiei but that's the way life goes. Finally it was lunchtime and I went to the cafeteria and bought lunch for both of us. I have to teach Hiei table manners, or just how to use the chopsticks, fork and knife to eat. This is going to be a tough job.  
  
"Hiei, come here. I have something to teach you."  
  
He eyed the lunchbox suspiciously and reluctantly came over, I handed him disposable chopsticks, fork and knife and took out the noodles and pizza I bought. Hiei turned the 'weird Ningen objects' in his hand, looking coldly at these brittle things.  
  
"What are they for? Killing birds?"  
  
Such fantastic imagination.  
  
"No. You use them to eat. Take the knife in you right hand and the fork in the lift, like this."  
  
He held them right, but bit the chopsticks between his teeth. Everything was like mission impossible, and by the end of lunch, there was nothing left but tiny bits of ash and a very pissed off Hiei.  
  
"Ningen are all stupid, and you are just as foolish to follow them."  
  
"Then you are saying yourself stupid for accepting this mission, right?"  
  
He just glared at me, and suddenly vanished, I felt a rush of wind beside me heading for the staircase but I got there before him. I stood staring into a pair of red orbs and felt his ki burn up.  
  
"Calm down and remember you position, Hiei."  
  
"Get out of my way!"  
  
I did, and in a flash, I was behind him. I wrapped my arms around his small but solid shoulders, his ki almost burning me up, but I held. His body tensed up, and slowly, his ki ebbed down.  
  
"Get of me, kitsune no baka."  
  
I smiled and released me prisoner.  
  
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Hiei's POV  
  
I was still angry because I was angry with myself for not being able to push that kitsune away. The feeling of his hug still lingered in my body, the way his hair brushed against my face, his firm but gentle grip, his smell of plants and roses. Somehow I did not bear to burn my ki to a higher temperature, afraid to break his fragile and delicate Ningen body. I must keep my distance away form him or else I would just become the next toy for the youko. It was hard to resist the temptations of the kitsune.  
  
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When school was over, I had to wait for Kurama to get out of his crowd of fans. It was totally unbearable, and even a girl asked me what did Kurama like. He is going to pay for these troubles he caused me someday, yet he talked nicely to almost everyone and politely refusing their invitation to go on a date.  
  
"How could you ever take those infants?"  
  
"Patience, Hiei, and that is what you need to learn."  
  
I started running, not in my usual speed of course, but the speed of Ningen. Faster that walking, at least. The wind blew through my hair, blowing away much of the mess of things I went through today. Kurama ran beside me, his hair flowing freely, like liquid fire; his emerald eyes sparkling when the rays shone into them. His movements swift and elegant, a smile tugging his lips. How could any creature be so beautiful?  
  
"What are you looking at?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
I quickened my pace and left Kurama behind.  
  
*  
  
Dinner was fine, consisted of eating some raw fish with small amounts of rice. At least I did not need to use those Ningen appliances Kurama showed me. Shiori was a nice lady, gentle and was the only one who did not look at me oddly. Kurama's stepfather was real normal and I did not even bother to remember what he looked like. The stepbrother who shared the same Ningen name as Kurama was childish, and although they held the same name, he was far less inviting to look at.  
  
After dinner, I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling when suddenly Kurama knocked and came in.  
  
"It's time to do homework, Hiei. Remember those paper the teacher gave us?"  
  
"Hn. Why do I care?"  
  
"That's what the Ningen have to do to continue going to school."  
  
"Then how come I never see Yusuke and that overgrown fly have homework?"  
  
"That's another case. Anyway I will help you with it."  
  
After a while I understood what doing homework meant. It was to watch Kurama s he filled out blanks on sheets of paper and copying them again in another writing under my name. Good, because I did not have to do anything. I stood up and paced to the window. The view is slightly different from the one I saw from Kurama's room. I stood there, my mind in a mess, and lost count of time. Slowly I felt Kurama's ki going steadily weaker and I turned around to find him asleep with his head on the table. I poked him but he did not stir. His breathing steady, his eyes closed and he looked peaceful and satisfied. I gently lifted him up, careful not to wake him, and carried him to his own room and onto his bed. I observed him a little longer, and found his expression changing. His brow furrowed tighter and tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. He clutched his hands tightly into a ball and his mouth opened as if to say something, but no sound came out.  
  
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Kurama's POV (dream )  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
I looked around and found myself at the battle arena of the Dark Tournaments. Everything, everywhere was red. Blood red. It was all empty. Dead empty. I could hear my own heartbeat. Pounding fast.  
  
"Hiei? Yusuke? Kuwabara? Where is everyone?"  
  
"There is no use calling them, my dear youko," an icy voice replied. A chill ran down my spine.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"Have you forgotten me? How sad. You are still the one who attracts me most in the Urameshi Team after all these time, and I miss you so."  
  
Suddenly I felt cold air behind me and someone caught hold of my hair.  
  
"It is so long and you still have not cut it."  
  
I turned. Nothing but air.  
  
"This is our first meeting after a long time. A long-time indeed, dearest youko. I assume you know who is closest to you, so stay away form them or I will get jealous. Sayonara, and I look forward to our next reunion."  
  
The surrounding exploded, and I fell into eternal darkness. A name popped into my mind.  
  
Karasu!  
  
I bolted up form my bed, sweat soaking through my pajamas. It was after midnight, and the moon shone through the window. Hiei was soundly asleep on the ground beside my bed. Seeing that, I felt slightly better. 


	3. A Dead Enemy A Deadly Enemy

Finally it is up to chapter 3. I hope that you will all like it. I will try to update on weekly basics. Give me more suggestions. R and R please.  
  
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Chapter 3: A Dead Enemy; A Deadly Enemy  
  
Nothing will stop me from getting what I want  
Not even death  
Just wait, my dear youko,  
Before long, we shall be together again.  
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Yusuke's POV  
  
It had been two weeks since Koenma gave us orders for the new mission. I was pretty shocked that I was not the main character in this mission. Guess luck goes around. This time things are weird, or is it just that little kid trying to play tricks with us? Anyway it would be nice to see Hiei as a Ningen. Then his katana would not be around my throat all the time. Today would be our first meeting of this mission and we were to meet at the Gates of Judgment in Koenma's office. I could not help wonder what is this all about.  
  
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(Flashback)  
  
"Can I know more about this mission?"  
  
The baby ruler looker up, thought hard, and finally decided.  
  
"Guess there's no harm telling you, but keep this a secret, especially from Kurama and Hiei. This time the enemy is not who he seems to be, and he does not have definite shape, so he's hard to catch. I'm using Kurama and Hiei as bait. The enemy has his eyes on Kurama and I sent Hiei to live with him as bodyguard. I cannot afford to lose either one of them. All you have to do is give Kurama a hand if Hiei gets into trouble."  
  
"Why not tell Kurama all this? He is trustworthy enough."  
  
"But Hiei is not. He is too hot-tempered."  
  
"I'm sure Kurama won't tell."  
  
"He could keep secrets, all right, but that applies to everyone except Hiei."  
  
That was one strange observation, although I was not completely sure of what it meant. Never mind.  
  
"I will see you guys after two weeks, then. Don't be late, Yusuke."  
  
(End of flashback)  
  
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"Why so quiet, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked in his usual cheerful voice. Noting bothers him at all.  
  
"Betsune."  
  
"HI! You guys are finally here! This time there's an improvement - late only by 20 minutes!" Botan chirped merrily. Noting bothers her too. Then why do I have such a creepy feeling about his mission? Even the meetings were unusual. Normally it just takes place at our house (except Hiei) or at Genkai's temple. I expected to see Kurama and Hiei already settled themselves in Koenma's office, but I was wrong. Nobody but an impatient - from - waiting Koenma was there. That was going way too weird.  
  
"Sorry we are late!"  
  
I heard the voice behind me and turned, but saw noting. Suddenly a hand was on my shoulder. I jumped and saw Kurama smiling and Hiei scowling. These guys are scary.  
  
"Sorry, but I was trying to teach Hiei how to take the bus, but some accidents happened," Kurama explained.  
  
Bus? Hiei? I wonder.  
  
"How was it?"  
  
"Well. Can I tell?"  
  
Kurama looked mischievously at Hiei. That was one rare expression coming from the usually calm and patient Kurama. I could see that Hiei was already in a fierce mood, and I was surprised that he did not take out his katana and put it on Kurama's neck, instead, he just gave a death glare. Up till now I started to notice what Hiei was wearing. It was some sort of sweatshirt, and it was a miracle he wore a colour that was not black. That Kurama sure has his ways of coaxing the fire demon to do impossible things. Oh! That's why he did not take out his katana. It was not even with him. But still, one blow from the Kokuryhua is more than enough.  
  
"Notice any strange things lately?"  
  
Koenma had started our meeting. Everyone remained silent. I thought I saw Hiei stole a glimpse at Kurama, but when I wanted to make sure what I was, Hiei's eyes were closed again, as if he was sleeping and heard none of Koenma's words.  
  
"Well, since there's nothing, meeting is dismissed."  
  
"NANI?! I thought we were here to know the details of this mission!" I yelled. I did not want this trip to Reikai be of no value and time wasting.  
  
"What the hell do you mean by this?"  
  
It took me a moment to realize it was Hiei who said that and he was on Koenma's desk with his hand on Koenma's collar, lifting the baby up completely firm his seat. The fire demon's eyes looked as if they were on fire, his ki was burning hard and it looked as if he was on fire; his voice was low and barely audible, but a great deal of danger was hidden in it, like the growl of a tiger before it pounces for the prey.  
  
"I want to know all the stuff involved in this mission. I don't want to waste my time doing noting."  
  
"The time is not right to tell you yet," the Reikai prince said pretty calmly.  
  
"Then I am not going to be on this useless mission anymore."  
  
"Hiei, calm down."  
  
Kurama had walked up and placed his hand on Hiei's arm. His courage to speak when Hiei was angry was incredible, but I did not expect him to touch the flaming youkai.  
  
"Kurama!" The word spilled out of my mouth before I noticed what I said.  
  
"You would only spoil the mission this way. I believe the time would come when everything would come to light," Kurama said in his soothing tenor {slightly feminine, but still good to the ears) voice.  
  
Surprising enough, the flames around Hiei subsided, and he released Koenma form his iron grip. Now I vaguely knew why Hiei was to protect Kurama not us. Also, it seemed that Kurama is the only one who could control the aggressive demon.  
  
They went back to their original position, guided by Kurama with his hand still on Hiei's arm, although I did not rally find the need to. After they had settled down once more, the fox slipped his hand off rather reluctantly. Was I being over sensitive or there was just something fishy between then?  
  
"Meeting dismissed. Everyone go home," Koenma announced once more.  
  
I waited until Hiei and Kuwabara was out of the office before calling Kurama over.  
  
"What was the bus thing all about?"  
  
"Well.The bus driver insisted that Hiei pays the children's fare, so things got a little out of hand. Anyway. you get the idea?" He winked.  
  
"Then what about you and Hiei?"  
  
"What about us?"  
  
"You know what I mean," I poked him in the ribs. This time it was my turn to be funny.  
  
Kurama's countenance froze upon hearing this and I had an unexpected chill from hearing his voice once more, though it sounded exactly the same. I sensed his desire of dropping the subject.  
  
"We're just friends, Yusuke. Don't worry."  
  
He left. His hair caressed by the wind. In a moment, he was gone into the unknown. I know Hiei would be on the other side always waiting for him, but everything seemed dark and mysterious all of a sudden. I did not know why.  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
I had no more nightmares after that night. Maybe it was just an illusion, but it left a heavy feeling in my heart. Karasu was dead by my plants. I killed him. There is no doubt about that, but that dream was so real, the cold feeling when he touched my hair. I hate the uncertainty of not being able to even see my enemy, thus not knowing what he would do next. A bit similar to the bombs I could not see during the Dark Tournament. Despite this, there was one thing I was sure of. I would give my life to protect those precious to me. If I am not even able to do that, what is the point of living?  
  
I looked at Hiei. I did not tell him about the dream, not did he ask, but I had a feeling that he had sensed my dream. Anyway, I did not want anyone to know about the nightmare. It was something I wanted to settle between Karasu and me without dragging anyone into it. That was what I was afraid of.  
  
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The night was serene and calm. The moon was a crescent, but its cool rays were brighter than that of a full moon. Silence hangs in the air as if someone had covered the whole earth with an invisible cloth. Not even the chirping of birds could be heard. My heart should be tranquil and content, but it suddenly had an urge to be embraced tightly. I felt like a kid lost in the woods, desperately wanting a pair of warm hands to hold me tight. The windows were open, although I knew full well nobody would need to come through it anymore. The gentle breeze lifted my translucent curtains up, brushing it against m face. I closed my eyes, trying to contain the desire that was trying its best to break through the dam of my heart.  
  
(dream)  
  
I was waling through the woods of Makai, a placid night, just like the one I saw before I fell asleep. I ran, freedom that I had not felt for a long time came rushing back. I stopped at a clearing. Footsteps.  
  
Hiei appeared from the thick canopy of the low bushed. His head was lowered, but I noticed his normally ruby pupils were of a deeper hue of crimson tonight. Still, I ran happily towards him. I reached out my hand, but the moment our skin came into contact, my rose whip shot out from behind and ran through his heart. He lifted his head, now I saw his countenance clearly. His eyes, now of magenta, were burning with resentment and hatred. Blood oozed out like the water of the rapids, drenching his cloak. I stepped back, unable to respond anymore.  
  
"How does it feel to see this? Don't forget its your own rose whip that went through his heart, tearing it into shreds. Remember thee look in his eyes. He hate you, doesn't he?"  
  
"Come out of your hiding, Karasu," I hissed, gripping on to the last bit of self- control I still had.  
  
"Most precious things to you, I order of importance, are that shrimp, your Ningen mother, Yusuke, that carrot top, the girls that tag along to your team, am I right?"  
  
"COME OUT!" I was losing it.  
  
" I will destroy them using your hands, one by one, until all the people you care for are dead."  
  
The surroundings exploded just like last time. 


	4. No Home New Home

Thanks for all the people who have read my story and I will try my best to make it better. I know the story is going slow, so be a little patient and keep on reading. In this chapter there are a lot of confusing things that I have wrote, so if you do not understand I will explain to you if you ask. The mood of the story will be spoiled if I explain it in it.  
  
Shiori's POV  
  
Ever since Hiei came to our house, I noticed Shuuichi becoming more joyful and melancholic at the same time. Ironic, isn't it? I could not help noticing that whenever Shuuichi is with Hiei, his eyes sort of lights up, making them shine like the twinkling stars in the sky, simply delightful. I definitely love to see him that way, but right after shining, his eyes would flash a look of unbearable sadness, Just a quick flash of it, and it might have slipped the glance of many, but not me, his mother. That kind of sadness seemed to have formed itself over a long period of time, collecting bit-by-bit, rather impossible to accomplish by a normal teenager. I'm worried.  
  
I always take pleasure in looking into Shuuichi's eyes. They are warm, gentle and calm, but that are all you could see. I feel a little unsatisfied, not even able to look through my son's eyes and read what they are speaking. His eyes are like fine emeralds, carved smooth and shiny. Staring at it, you could easily admire its beauty; staring through it, you could see everything on the other side, but the scenery is all green. There is something in his eyes, like a barrier, making you think that you have seen it all, when actually most of his feelings are hidden.  
  
Shuuichi is a riddle I have been trying to solve all these years, thinking that no one would be as complicated as him, and yet, life is full of mistakes.  
  
My first look into Hiei's eyes made me shudder. They are cold and hot all at once. I did not realize that life could be filled with so many ironic things till now. Unlike Shuuichi, whose eyes make you see what he wants you to, Hiei's are simply impenetrable. They have a barrier too, but it is solid and firm, one look at it and you would understand that nothing could break it. His stare sort of makes you freeze first, them burns you up, the flames swallowing you mercilessly.  
  
His smile, which I only caught for a fraction of a second, was rather beyond my imagination. It was not easy to put into words about his smile. All I could feel in his smile was. pain. Endless suffering, although I am not him, but I could still feel the pain searing through my heart.  
  
All there made me think. Shuuichi and Hiei seem to have known each other for a long period, and the bond between them could be almost seen. Shuuichi, as far as I could see, is very protective about Hiei; the latter takes no heed to anyone but Shuuichi. I need to make things clear with them.  
  
"Kaasan! We are home."  
"Great. Come and take a seat by the table. I have something to talk to both of you."  
  
"What's wrong, Kaasan?"  
  
"Just some things to clarify. Hiei, you are not really my cousin's son, are you?"  
  
I saw Shuuichi exchange swift glances with Hiei, but the words they exchanged using their eyes were hidden from me. I wonder how they could understand that special language of theirs.  
  
"Why do you say so?"  
  
His voice was deep and mature, much unlikely to be and eighteen year old's. I hardly hear anything from him, so I was still a bit awkward in hearing his speak in such a tone.  
  
"I could see that you are not an ordinary child. Although I don not know how you made my cousin cover up for you, but I could feel that you are extraordinary. Extraordinarily sad. Besides, the understandment of each other between you two must have been built over long periods. Am I wrong?  
  
"Hn."  
  
"You are correct, Kaasan, and I admit that our acquaintance traces back to a long time ago. Now Hiei just needs a place to stay for the next few months. He never had a home."  
  
"Of course he is welcome, but why did you lie to me?"  
  
"I was not lying to you, but rather making Hiei have a more reasonable position in the society. I'm sorry."  
  
"It's OK. I understand, but you said that he has not home?"  
  
"Yes, well.He is an orphan."  
  
He said that rather hesitantly, while looking a little nervously at Hiei.  
  
Hiei lifted his head and I saw a sneer forming. That distant and forlorn look flickered past.  
  
"Just spit it out, Kurama. I was abandoned, treated like a germ everywhere. You could chase me out too for all I care," his voice was filled, not with bitterness, which would match his feelings, but contempt and resentment. He shot a glare at me and lowered his head once more.  
  
"No, I would definitely not do that. In fact, you will stay and you have to. I want you to learn something while staying here," I softly said, my voice not filled with sympathy, but care. I walked over to his side and kneeled down, so that our heads were of the same level. I gently put my hand on his face and turned it, so that his eyes met mine. He recoiled at my touch at first, but knowing that I would not release him until he did it my way, he turned. His eyes, face, and every part of him were emotionless. If not for his burning eyes, he would look no different form a corpse. It pained me to see anyone so.  
  
"I want you to lean how to like, love, and be loved in this house. I want you to know how it feels that someone in the world cares for you, and that you are special."  
  
"I don't deserve it," came his icy reply. He tried turning away, but was forced back by Shuuichi.  
  
"Go on, Kaasan. He would listen even if he appears to have not."  
  
"Hiei, everyone, everything in the world deserves to love and be loved. Open you heart and accept what people give you, whether it's good or not, and someday, you would find someone who really loves you. If you seal yourself up completely, you are just rejecting others and feel that no body likes you when in fact you are the one in fault."  
  
His eyes were deep in thought. I could see he still could not completely digest what I have said. May be he has been solitary for too long. Poor kid. Finally, he seemed to have taken in a little.  
  
"Hn. I'll see."  
  
I have a hearty smile and leaned over and hugged him. I could feel his body tense up, and tried to push away this unfamiliar touch but I held firm. I wanted him to get used to this, to make up for the embraces he missed when he was small. I let go after a while and Hiei went to his room without looking at Shuuichi or me.  
  
"Thanks, Kaasan. I was afraid you were not going to accept Hiei."  
  
"Being my son, you should have a better understanding of me."  
  
"That was really helpful too."  
  
"But it is still up to you to open his door, and I know you card for him more than I do. I would really love to see him smile without the pain hidden behind. Why did he call you Kurama?"  
  
"It's just a nickname. I'll go check on him," he bent down and gave me a peck on the cheek. I could see he was real happy. His eyes shone with a soft hue.  
  
I watched as he opened the door of Hiei's room, disappeared behind it, and closed the door once more.  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
I went into my room. I had never had a steady place to live for all these years. Once I step into the room, I felt like a bird trapped in a cage, but rather unwilling to let someone open the cage door. Somehow in this room, things were realistic and illusions all at once. I could feel my self in this room, yet it was not for me, but for Tanaka Hiei, a fake me, but still he is who I am. Nothing would ever belong to me if I turn into my real identity, the Forbidden Child.  
  
The bed was placed beside a huge window. I could easily jump out of it and escape, but I felt something pulling me back. Several times had I stood on the windowsill, gave up my sense of balance and see which side would I fall. The gale blew onto my face, inviting me outside, but no matter how much I wanted to go, I always ended up landing on the soft mattress of my bed. My bed. Is it really mine?  
  
I opened the window and sat on the bed, leaning against the sill, enjoying the harmony of reality and delusion.  
  
"Hiei, are you all right?" The mattress sank a little as he took a seat beside me.  
  
"Hn," I closed my eyes, shutting myself form the dangerously elegant creature beside me.  
  
"Can you ever open you heart?"  
  
"It's always been open."  
  
"Liar.'  
  
"If I am the liar, you are the hypocrite."  
  
"Hmm. Interesting. Let's hear how you explain that."  
  
"I do what I want. You do what other people want and expect you to."  
  
"But your heart is still closed."  
  
"The way my heart is open is that it is close."  
  
"Apparently confusing, but straight to the point. Looks like I have to use my skills and experience as a thief to get that door open."  
  
"Don't ever try."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"There's nothing you want to see in there," I kept my eyes firmly shut.  
  
"Open you eyes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Afraid?"  
  
I should have blocked my ears too. Despite our acquaintance for so long, the sight still managed to take my breath away. His emerald green eyes were burning into mine; his scarlet hair, mixed with the bloody rays of the setting sun, turned into a brighter shade of vermilion. The perfect shape of his visage, decorated at the most appropriate places with his delicate and fine features--- his nose, which had a gradual contour, added a slight tender feeling to his whole expression and cast a graceful shadow over half of his peach-coloured face; his lips, petite and soft, where music like words poured out.  
  
I tore my eyes away and saw the setting sun outside the window. Was it pretty? Perhaps, if it had not dyed the whole sky bloody. Its rays had invaded my room too, painting the bare walls reddish.  
  
I felt a pressure on my right shoulder, smelled the familiar scent of roses and saw wisps of vermilion carried into my view by the wind.  
  
"I can, can't I?"  
  
I suddenly found the source of that invisible force field. 


	5. You Understand Me The Most You Misunders...

Hope you will give more reviews or I would not know if anyone is reading this. Hiei did not tell Kurama about Yukina in the manga, not in the anime.  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
Another boring school day was over. I could not understand why Kurama even bother to go to school. All the teachers taught were things which using your common sense would get you directly to the answer. I spent some time reflecting on what happened yesterday, and finally after explaining what had occurred exactly, I fell asleep. The teacher woke me up, tried to humiliate me by asking me to solve one difficult (in their opinions) question. He ended up humiliating himself when I solved that problem within thirty seconds.  
  
This is the most appropriate way I could put into words what had happened the day before.  
  
(flashback)  
  
The gentle breeze and violet sky outside, the warm smell of roses beside me, the peaceful pounding rhythm of our heats and systematic breathing, those were all so soothing. Too soothing. I felt surprisingly tired, so I let go of myself. I closed my eyes again and fell into semi- consciousness.  
  
I was changed form my upright position to a lying one, and my head was cushioned on something soft. Without Kurama's head on my shoulder, I felt light, almost being able to float up, which I did not want to. Soon, a pressure was on me again, making me feel secure. I fell into deep slumber.  
  
"Dinner is ready," Shiori's voice drifted in from the kitchen. I was awakened.  
  
However, I could not move. I focused my sight and found Kurama's face barely an inch away from mine. My head was rested on his lap and he had placed his on my chest. He was sleeping soundly. I tried moving once more, growing embarrassed from our intimacy, but I could not bulge. His arms had binded me and they were tighter than anything in the world.  
  
"Wake up, Kurama!" I shouted, but not loud enough to be heard from outside.  
  
He stirred and I quickly pushed him away and jumped off the bed. I stared at him hard and fierce, not knowing any other way to hide my embarrassment.  
  
"Don't push so hard next time," Kurama said sleepily.  
  
"There would be no next time. Do not come near me."  
  
Harsh were my words, but he did not seem to mind. He hopped off the bed and stretched in sort of a feline way. After that, the haze was gone and his eyes sparkled once more.  
  
"I'm not sure if there's next time, but you can't stop me from going near you," he replied teasingly.  
  
If anyone else had said that, I would have killed him on the spot. Suddenly, something dawned on Kurama and a wave of doubt washed over him, but that only lasted for a millisecond.  
  
"Someday, I wish."  
  
He cast one last look at me, somewhat sadly, and left the room leaving the sentence hanging in the air.  
  
(end of flashback)  
  
*  
"I can't believe I did that," I muttered.  
  
"What did you do?" a girlish voice replied.  
  
I turned and saw a girl. I presumed she was a classmate. There was only the two of us left in the classroom. Kurama had to tuition some first years today. I ignored her and continued to pack my bag.  
  
"Was it about Kurama?" the girlish voice had changed. It was icy and sent chills down my spine. I stopped at the name "Kurama". No Ningen ever knows his real name. I turned to face her once more. She did not look familiar, but her eyes had definitely changed colour, and it was those eyes, which I recognized.  
  
"Who are you?" I tried to confirm my assumption.  
  
"You already know, don't you? I just want to tell you, or may be it could be referred to as a warning, to stay away from Kurama. He is mine.  
  
His eyes shone with insanity.  
  
"What if I don't?" I replied just as icily.  
  
"Then I would make you, or should I say let Kurama make you, stay away from him. I believe using Shiroi would be enough to do that, but if you make things difficult, Yukina would sure come in handy."  
  
My rage reached its breaking point. My hands shook.  
  
"Knocking out this body does not matter to."  
  
He did not have the time to finish the sentence.  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
"Thanks, Minnamino-kun."  
  
"Your welcome."  
  
I tuned to leave. Another typical day was over. Stepping out of the school gate, I smelled the air. It was dry; the orange leaves of autumn gave the air a special aroma. I suddenly detected something unusual.  
  
I walked over to one of the trees that lined the straight path home.  
  
"Hiei, how rare of you to wait for me."  
  
A black shadow jumped down from the tree and he stood in front of me. He had changed to his old cloak once more. One look at him and I knew something serious had happened. The flame of rage was burning in his ruby orbs.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Not here. Come," he replied curtly. It was easy to see that he was extremely tense, and one wrong word would be enough to make him snap. Normally, the angrier he is, the more cold and clam he is, but in this case, it was the opposite. It might be that he was angry to the limit or that someone precious to him had died, or else he always makes a point to hide his rage by coldness. I am not the only hypocrite.  
  
A blur of dark shadow and he was far ahead of me. I tried my utmost to catch up, going as fast as this Ningen body would allow, but Hiei seemed to be just taking a stroll in the park.  
  
"What are you doing? We could be spotted this way!"  
  
"It doesn't matter. We already are."  
  
My heart stopped for a beat. Had Karasu already striked?  
  
We reached my house and Hiei did not even bother to go through the main door. He jumped onto a tree and leapt straight through my open window. I must admit he did a better job in this than me. Once I was in my room, I automatically set up a keikai around us.  
  
"Now you can talk," trying to sound normal after that sprint.  
  
"Karasu was here. Somehow his soul had escaped from Reikai. He possessed one of the girls in the class."  
  
"What did he say? It is impossible for him to attack you through a Ningen body," I analyzed.  
  
"He wants me to stay away from you because you are his. I knocked him out."  
  
"What about the girl?"  
  
"Knocked her out, woke her up, asked questions and erased memories," he answered as if saying ABC.  
  
"Find anything?"  
  
"No."  
  
I though about how his soul could have escaped but it was useless. I have to ask Koenma about it. Hiei broke the silence after a few minutes.  
  
"Now its your turn to talk."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The nightmares. I have been waiting for you to tell me yourself but there's no time now. Karasu had been haunting you, right?"  
  
"It's none of your business," I snapped. Even I was a little surprised by my attitude.  
  
Hiei blinked in shock, but after a moment, he sneered.  
  
"Of course. How could the famous Youko Kurama ever need anyone to help him? Looks like I'm being unnecessary here," he prepared to jump out of the window.  
  
"I'm sorry," I grabbed his wrist, "It's just that."  
  
"It's just WHAT?" he yelled and striked my hand away forcefully, "You never trusted me enough to tell me how you feel. Oh! I forgot that you are a youko, and how could anyone like you believe in anybody but yourself? You are just trying to see how your charm works on the Forbidden Child, right?"  
  
"You know that is not the reason," my voice rising, angry about his misunderstanding," I've trusted you more than I have trusted anyone else. It is rather you who do not believe in me."  
  
"When?"  
  
"You did not even tell me that Yukina is your sister. Even Yusuke felt I was trustworthy enough to tell me that!" my anger was increasing rapidly and I just wanted to shout out all the pain I felt over the years, all those frustration, fear, uncertainty I had to bear alone while pretending that nothing ever happened. "Do you know the pain I have felt when I knew that I was the only one left our to your secret? NO YOU DON'T! Do you understand how hard it is to keep up that nice disposition when I want to burst inside? NO YOU NEVER DID!"  
  
"You think you are the only one who ever felt pain? DO YOU EVER TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE FEELING OF BEING BEFRATYED BY ONE YOU TRUSTED MOST? I was left in complete darkness when you betrayed me for Yusuke, whom you only know not more than a month that time. The single person who I believed in abandoned me. The feeling of being unwanted, being treated even less than an animal everywhere, that humiliation, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"  
  
His youki was burning more fiercely than ever, causing the surrounding to be extremely hot inside the keikai. My youki was not losing to his, and although I knew I must control it, I just felt too tired to do so. Too tired, that I just wanted to fall into eternal sleep on the spot. Too tired, and no strength was left to maintain my raging ki. Too tired, that I crumpled to the floor, leaving only me eyes open.  
  
"Hiei. Listen to me," I whispered, using all the energy I had left.  
  
His youki flared once more and broke through the keikai. A blur, and only air was in front of me. I closed my eyes, feeling a droplet of water trickled across my face, and falling silently onto the floor. 


	6. Death Is The End Death Is The Beginning

Thanks for all the reviews. I am overjoyed to receive them and it will encourage me to write better. I was planning to let Kurama and Hiei get back together in chapter 7 but now it has to be dragged to chapter 8. Shizuru would appear in 7 instead and her feelings for Sakyo. I have always liked Shizuru, so I made her into my story. Hope you like it. (that's the next chapter anyway)  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
"Shuuichi, are you all right?"  
  
"Yes, I'm fine, Kaasan," I replied half-heartedly. Ever since my quarrel with Hiei, which was four days age, he had been avoiding me and not even one word was exchanged between us. Whenever I tried to catch his eyes, he would avert his glance to somewhere else. May be it would be better this way. May be that was the only way to let Karasu stay away form him. But why does it have to hurt so much?  
  
"Did you have a dispute with Hiei?"  
  
"Looks like you noticed," I gave her a weak smile and continued to help around the kitchen.  
  
"You care for him, but can you really clearly define how you feel for him? The way you are acting, like staring into space for long periods, less talkative and loss of appetite, they all do not add up to the level you care for a friend. It's more like falling in love. Do you like or love Hiei?"  
  
"I. don't know. He is. my friend," I whispered, hardly audible. I was slightly taken aback by her question, but it was soon overtaken by the confusion in my mind, "Do you mind?"  
  
"No, of course not. I just want you to be happy, especially on the topic of love. Do not mind what other people think. Just be true to yourself and follow your heart. If you love someone, it does not matter what he or she looks like, not the gender. As long as your souls, your minds and hearts go towards one another, that would be more than enough."  
  
"Thanks, Kaasan," and I gave her a smile deep from my heart.  
  
RRRIIINNNGGG!!!!!!  
  
"I'll get the phone," she said and hurried away.  
  
Howe did I feel about Hiei. That was not the main problem. Who knows of Hiei would ever talk to me again? If he'd ever look at me once more? Perhaps he never did feel anything for me and it was just I imagining that he treated me as a friend. Yes, of course he could not trust me, a youko who turned weak by living with Ningen, and the creature he despised.  
  
Why was I so confused? I had lived for almost 5 centuries and should have experienced everything all three worlds had to offer. Or have I? No, I have not.  
  
In Makai, I trained to become the strongest in order to survive. I survived, but only to learn lust, desire, hatred, vengeance and kill for the sake of killing. Do I know love? No, it never touched me before. I was just as helpless as an average eighteen-year-old Ningen. Helplessness, how I hated and wanted it.  
  
Kaasan returned from the phone call.  
  
"what was the call about?"  
  
I asked, trying to sound as if nothing ever happened. As Hiei said, a hypocrite.  
  
"The hospital called to say that I need a flu vaccine for the holiday trip we are going for a week. Are you sure you and Hiei do not want to join us?"  
  
"Yes, Kaasan. Come on, I'll accompany you to the hospital," I said, "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Why does it hurt so much if you were to protect someone?"  
  
"If you want to protect someone, that means that person is so important that you are willing to risk your life for him. Of course it would hurt, because that is the e price to love. The more you love, the more it hurts, and yet, you would continue to love more. It does not sound sensible because love itself is not. I am glad that you could feel the pain, for it shows that you have put in your feeling. The bittersweet taste of love could be a blessing and a wound, but treasure it as it is."  
  
"Love does not make sense?"  
  
"No. sometimes you know that a person could not or never would return your feelings, but it is impossible for you to stop already. Sometimes you know that person does not suit you at all, but emotions would continue to flow. Someday, you will understand, but that day would not help you to control yourself in any way."  
  
"Someday. Come, let's go," I said, as a burden was lifted, but a new shadow loomed over my heart.  
  
Koenma's POV  
  
There was still half an hour to the second meeting of this mission. I paced back and forth in my office because I had a feeling that the enemy had moved.  
  
"I have something to clarify with you."  
  
I jumped and saw it was Hiei. He had a weird aura around him - suppressed anger covered by coldness. His patience was wearing thin and I would really try to avoid getting onto his bad side. I turned to my teenage form and felt slightly more confident without being covered by Hiei's shadow.  
  
"I have something to ask too," and Kurama entered through the door. Hiei tensed but did not even bother to look at Kurama while the latter cast one wistful glance at him. The atmosphere was really awkward and I felt like a light bulb.  
  
"Fine. What is it you tow want to know?" I broke the silence.  
  
"How did Karasu's soul escape form Reikai?" Kurama asked and as usual, he was the more talkative one of the two.  
  
"Hey! Did we miss anything?"  
  
the whole mysterious and serious mood was spoiled by the appearance of Yusuke and Kuwabara. I was somehow relieved to escape from the pressurizing investigation of the two youkai.  
  
"Alright. I would tell you all about this mission today," with this, everyone fell silent. Even Kuwabara.  
  
"The souls of all dead Ningen and youkai would come to Reikai," I continued, "but recently, just this four months, the souls that come are incomplete. The most important part of the soul, which contains the person's most precious memories, it missing. We tracked down some of the missing souls and found that they have all gone to another dimension, where only the souls could enter. Our search could only stop there."  
  
"As far as I know, all the souls that are missing have very strong will and they all died before they completed their ultimate desire. What I infer is that the dimension is created by a soul with strong powers and it grants one last wish to the souls who are strong willed enough to separate their souls into two parts. However, I do not know how they accomplish that."  
  
"How do we stop them if we could not even go into their headquarters?" Kuwabara asked one stupid question.  
  
"What do you think Kurama and Hiei are doing?"  
  
"Oh! But why would the enemy definitely look for trouble with them?"  
  
"Because I know Karasu is using this method to get revenge on Kurama."  
  
"Then why is Hiei involved?" Kurama asked somewhat. painfully?  
  
"He is there to protect you. I don't know what Karasu is capable of."  
  
"I don't need protection," Kurama replied calmly, but a hint of coldness was in his voice.  
  
"Of course the famous youko Kurama does not need protection. You are just mocking his abilities by saying that. You sure are pretty pathetic for a prince," Hiei scoffed. He might sound as if to provoke me, but the main idea of his words were for Kurama. He still avoided Kurama's gaze, and was doing a very good job in talking indirectly to him. Even a fool could see something was going on between then, but Yusuke and Kuwabara were just dumb folded at why I was still not throwing a tantrum at Hiei's remark.  
  
"I am not that youko Kurama anymore, Hiei."  
  
At this, the koorime finally turned to face Kurama. A fire of ridicule and scorn seemed to burn in his eyes, but there was something hidden under it which I could not quite figure.  
  
"Then what are you? The Ningen Minnamino Shuuichi? Stop pretending."  
  
"I know that I am not a Ningen, and I would never be. It's just that I have change. I am not that cold-blooded youko Kurama anymore," Kurama explained solemnly.  
  
"In other works, you are neither Ningen or youkai. You do not belong anywhere."  
  
"Everybody does not belong. They just belong to themselves."  
  
Kurama had such a good philosophy, and I would really believe in what he said if he did not look so lack of confidence in his own words. He seemed to be just saying that for others but not for himself.  
  
"No. nobody belong to himself," Hiei said, colder than usual and the core of his words was sadness and pain. I waited for him to continue, but he never did. Strangely, however, Kurama seemed to understand and approve.  
  
"Come on, guys! Let's get back to the topic," Yusuke complained, bored of the conversation too deep for his understandings. Kuwabara woke up from his map hearing Yusuke's call. Can't these guys ever learn?  
  
"Oh!" Kuwabara exclaimed, "why don't we just kill ourselves so that our souls could go into that dimension? Then we could kick their butt in the other dimension," and he sounded really excited about his ridiculous plan.  
  
"BAKA! I told you I don't know how the souls are separated, so what if your soul separates but could not join back? How do you expect me to bring you back to life that way? If you guys die, I an held responsible," I shouted out in one breath, exasperated with the carrot top who did not use his brains.  
  
"Sounds like fun," Hiei said quietly form the shadows he stood in.  
  
"What's fun about that?" I asked in a menacing sort of way and squinted at Hiei.  
  
"Death is supposed to be the end to everything, so I would like to see how they could change it to be the beginning to your ultimate goal. People dying so that they could get what they want after death. I would like to see how far would people go to fulfill their desire and how ugly their selfishness is."  
  
"So that's why we have to stop them," Yusuke finally realized, "I was starting to think of this other dimension as a good thing before Hiei pointed it out. Is there any way to destroy a soul?"  
  
"Yes, there is , but it's extremely complicated. First , you must have a very strong youko or reiki; second, the soul must be possessing a body when you kill it, but the body must not die.. you have to focus most of your ki and forming it into a soul-like presence, and force it into the body. You must control your ki and let it kill the soul possessing the body. The closest skill according to my description is Hiei's Kokuryhua, but the force must not break the body the person being possessed."  
  
"Wow! So now we could only wait for Karasu to act?"  
  
"Yes," somehow I did not want to let the tow Ningen know that Karasu had already started. I looked at Kurama knowingly, I would have to hear about Karasu's actions sometime later, but I believe Kurama and Hiei know how to deal with it.  
  
"Since we have nothing to do now, let's have a party at Kurama's. anyway his parents are not home. You wanna come too, Koenma?" Kuwabara asked in his excited high pitch voice.  
  
"A bunch if fools," Hiei remarked coldly and left while Kurama sweatdropped at the prospect of home wretched. Watching as Yusuke and Kuwabara dragged Kurama out to prepare for the party, I felt a slight headache. 


	7. A Lock Of His Hair A Lock In His Heart

Sorry the last chapter was a little boring, but it must be there to connect the whole story. Anyway, this chapter is a little bit dark but don't worry. It won't happen again. Besides, it is there for a reason and not because I'm bored. The next chapter is going to be. what do you think?  
  
Shizuru's POV  
  
"Hey, Urameshi, if you could make a wish after you die, what would it be?" my baby brother asked loudly while packing the things they want to bring to Kurama's house for the party. The two teens were totally unaware that I was standing behind the door, accidentally eavesdropping.  
  
"I won't be stupid enough to die before I have completed all the things I set out to do," Yusuke replied.  
  
"What if it is impossible to fulfill your wish if you are alive? I mean, like, if Genkai dies, I'm sorry, but it's just an example, and you want to see her again, that would be impossible, right?"  
  
"Then I would get over it. I don't want to die feeling unsatisfied."  
  
It sounded as if you could make one last wish after you die, according to their words, and that even the wildest of all dreams could be accomplished, like seeing someone who had died. Sakyo-san! I gripped the lighter he have to me sub-consciously, thinking about the man who in total, did not even knew me for a week, but left the deepest blemish in my heart. How unbelievable it was to fall in love with such a person, and not even being able to get over him after he had died for over a year.  
  
"Oneechan, let's go to pick up the girls and go party. I can't wait to see Yukina-san," Kazuma burst out of the room and pushed me to my car in his eagerness to see Yukina again.  
  
What if I could see him once more? I can't help wondering while driving. Is there anything in this world that I could not leave behind? I had always been the strong and supporting role, but sometimes I just feel exhausted. I was always there for others when they need someone, but there was no one there for me when I fell. No one could see through, or bothered to see through, the mask I put on to be strong.  
  
Was I really needed there? Keiko got Yusuke, and I believe whole- heartedly that they would stick to each other through thick or thin. Botan, well I guess she found satisfaction in her job, and in some way found the same content feeling in Koenma. Yukina got my silly brother, and I know him well enough to say that he would never give up on her. Kurama and Hiei were all too independent, but when their guards slipped, I could see that they rely on each other more on anyone else. In other words, I felt left out, like a sore thumb in the happy couples, like the second choice of everyone in search for a sympathetic ear.  
  
I was never the major part of anybody's life, so why not do what I want and be selfish this time? I just want to be with the one I lobe, is that so unforgivable and unthinkable? I desperately need advice, someone to help me sort out the mess in my mind, and Genkai-san would do the job.  
  
We arrived at Kurama's at 6pm, and Genkai-san was really kind enough to come upon my request. We made ourselves at home in the kitchen while the two teens shouted loudly in form of the TV. Hiei was nowhere to be seen and Kurama was just playing the role of a good host, but he seemed pretty somber. The girls chatted, having their own conversation away form the boys.  
  
"Genkai-san, have you ever loved someone?" I asked.  
  
"Yes. He's Toguro, the man Yusuke killed in the Dark Tournament."  
  
"He betrayed you, didn't he? Now he's dead, do you still love him? Do you want to see him again?"  
  
"Strange as it is, I still do and I believe I would see him once more, someday. When all the past is forgotten, when everything does not exist, he would come back to me once more," she smiled sadly.  
  
"Would you die for him, then?"  
  
"I already did. Your life is yours, so choose the way you want to live it. See what's most important to you and go for it, before everything is too late," she looked at me softly, like a grandmother teaching a tow year old child why do leaves fall and seasons change. "Would you mind giving me a lift back? Time is getting its revenge on me now."  
  
I abandoned the party and after dropping off Genkai-san at her temple, I drove, not even knowing where I was driving to. After some time, I found myself at the top of a mountain. The sky was pitch black, but the moon spread its cool rays as far as it could all over the darkness. I was bathed in its silver light too. The stars twinkled like little fireflies, sending messages both happy and melancholic to the people on earth. A breeze combed through my hair.  
  
I took out my most precious lighter and gazed at it, while it reflected the moonbeams into my eyes.  
  
What should I do.  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
I sat by the open window, staring into deep cobalt sky outside. The leaves on trees and all turned red, a signal that autumn was coming, but to me they had the hue of Hiei's eyes. All the sounds were lost to me as I indulged myself in my thoughts. I closed my eyes, but when I reopened them, everything was dark.  
  
I was enveloped in darkness, and I could not even see myself. I felt lost and scared, having nothing to depend on, nothing to hold on to. I started walking, and soon I broke into a run, trying frantically to get out of the darkness. However, my efforts were futile. I kept running, and after what seemed like hours, I finally fell to the ground, exhausted. As I lay motionless, coldness invaded me, and I hugged my knees close, trying to stop shivering. For the first time all my life, I was afraid. Afraid of the loneliness, afraid that no on e would come to find me, afraid that time would stop like that forever.  
  
"Hiei."  
  
Memories flooded back, making me realize just how important people around me were. Things that you take for granted, only when you lose them, would you find their true values. I used to have nothing, so I was afraid of nothing, but once you find people and things you want to protect, weakness would appear all over you. I hate to admit, but I was becoming weaker.  
  
My ears picked up the sound of flowing water. Was it a hallucination? I could card no more. Rising from the ground, I started walking towards the only sound I could hear. It seemed so clear, but so distant, just when I was thinking that I could never reach it, a fountain appeared amidst the darkness.  
  
Blood, instead of water, flowed out form the fountain, and a Ningen was beside it, her blood being sucked away to provide the fountain with liquid to pump out. A youkai was beside, with a glass made of gold and crystal in his hands. He dipped the glass into the fountain, filling it with crimson. Bringing it to his lips, he tasted it, and was enthralled by its flavour. The familiar smell of blood traveled through the air and into my lungs, making me feel disgusted. Unbelievable as it was, I sued to do the same things, in the horrible past of mine. The youkai slowly finished the draught, savouring every drop of it. Now I could see that he had long hair. May be he was Karasu! I walked over hoping to get a better look, but not getting too close. I had grown not so fond of Ningen blood over the past eighteen years.  
  
The picture focused as I inched closer, and to my horror, the Ningen supplying the blood was Shiori. I rushed forward and wanted to free her, but I ran right through her unconscious body. It must be an illusion, yet it was so life-like. Or was I the one who was the illusion? You could never be sure. The reality was made up of people's intelligence, in other words, nothing was real, but sometimes it could be found in your dreams.  
  
I lifted my head to the youkai. A familiar and distant visage was in front of me. Straight and light silk-like hair, right down tohis waist; two large fox ears poking out from the side of is head; golden orbs shining from seeing, hearing and learning too much about all the cold-blooded elements that could be found, daring you, mocking you. Yes, it was me, without the Ningen body of Minnamino Shuuichi acing as a cover. It was me. The real youko Kurama.  
  
A sudden wave of detest and contempt washed over me. I felt disgusted with the creature before my eyes.  
  
Angels of death appeared above us, shedding their black feathers, which exploded on contact with any object. The fountain exploded, splashing me with blood. I watched helplessly as my mother's body was engulfed by the bombings. I felt dirty, as ger blood dripped down form my hair, hands and clothes.  
  
"Hey! Kurama! Snap out of it!" Yusuke's voice pulled me back to where he and the others were, reality or not.  
  
My sight came into focus and found everyone crowded around me. My eyes met with a pair of red orbs, and I quickly averted my gaze to the window, afraid that he would see through me and to what I had just seen.  
  
"What happened just now? You were acting really weird, staring into space with your eyes changing from green to gold, trembling and clutching your hands into a ball. Sort of like having a nightmare, but your eyes were open. Are you all right? If not, we could let Genkai check on you," Yusuke said kindly.  
  
"Yeah. I thought you were going to turn into youko," Kuwabara added. Although I knew he meant well, but I could not help feeling sick at the mention of me tuning to youko.  
  
"I'm fine, really. Don't worry," I assured them, putting on a fake smile. I did not think I could manage to give a genuine smile for a few hours at least.  
  
"Come on, don't lie. If your condition is fine, then a person with cancer can be called healthy," Kuwabara retorted, not at all understanding that I did not want to talk.  
  
"Hn. Don't worry about others when you can't even take care of yourself."  
  
Much as I wanted to turn to that icy voice, I kept my eyes on my hands.  
  
"Watch what you are saying, shrimp, or you will be dead before you can beg for mercy. Kurama has always been so nice to us all and now he is ill and you don't even care. What kind of a friend are you?"  
  
"I am never his, or anybody's friend, and never will be."  
  
"Break it up, you guys," I said as I stood up, still a little wobbly. Kuwabara surpressed his rage on hearing my words but Hiei turned his back to me, ignoring what I had said.  
  
"I'd be careful if I were you, carrot top, because I do not ant to land in a graveyard so soon."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Kuwabara formed his Reiken and pointed it at Hiei's back. Things were getting serious.  
  
In a flash, Hiei was gone and as quick as he had disappeared, he stood facing Kuwabara with a sharp kitchen knife in his hand.  
  
"This would be more than enough to kill you. It's good that my katana is not here. I do not want your blood to stain it anyway," and with that, Hiei became a quick black shadow running around the room.  
  
"Come and fight me face to face, you coward!"  
  
"Come and catch me if you can, you slow Ningen."  
  
I followed Hiei's every move with my eyes, tying to stop his attack beforehand. Suddenly, he was rushing towards Kuwabara from behind, aiming the knife at his neck.  
  
"CAREFUL!" I yelled and pushed the Ningen away and felt a rush if air as the knife barely missed my face. Hiei's eyes widen in shock and I heard a clang as the knife fell onto the floor. Looking down, I saw a lock of my scarlet hair beside the knife. My right side lock had been cut away by half. A blur of black brushed past and went out through the window. Everything became a blur as I sped into the darkness, chasing the black shadow. 


	8. I Am Accompanied By Loneliness I Am Acco...

I once thought of stopping the story but seeing the reviews, I decided to go on. Thanks a lot. Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
I went after Hiei by tracing his youki, rather than seeing where he went, which was absolutely impossible. I ran and ran, completely unaware of where I was, but suddenly, the youki stopped. I looked around and found myself in a park and it was rather empty. Hiei must have masked his youki here. Fine, I was defeated, but I would not give up until he stood in from of me.  
  
"Hiei, come out. I know you are here," I talked, feeling rather foolish that I was speaking to the air. "I just want to apologize for what I said. I should not have suspected you that you did not trust me, and it's all my fault. I should not have exerted all my anger on you. I'm really sorry."  
  
"You sure know how to put all the blame on yourself."  
  
My heart skipped at his voice, and I had a queasy feeling in my stomach when he appeared in from of me. When had I become so emotional? His face was emotionless as usual, making me seem like an idiot to be so nervous. Then it just occurred to me that it had been so long since my fire demon had spoken to me face to face.  
  
My fire demon?  
  
"I want to stop this feud between us. I'm sor."  
  
"Just shut up, Kurama," he cut me off and turned to face the half moon.  
  
"That means you forgive me and won't hold the grudge against me anymore?" I asked as a ray of hope lit my voice and heart.  
  
"Not unless you tell me what you had seen in your dreams."  
  
I knew that it was the limit to Hiei's tolerence and one wrong move could send him away, but I just cannot tell him. I never wanted him to be swept into the whirlpool of hate and revenge Karasu had already sucked me into, never wanted to deceiver him, never wanted his words to cut so deeply and painfully into my heart. I had endured this pain for nearly two weeks and it was becoming excruciating. I was surprised that I had not been tormented to death by it.  
  
Hiei understood my silence and without looking at me once more, disappeared, eaten by the darkness of the night.  
  
I felt as if he was slipping away bit by bit from my grasp. At first, agony, frustration, followed by desperation, struck me, but now when I could no longer feel him in my hands anymore, every emotion was gone. I was just. empty.  
  
No! I cannot let that happen. I tracked Hiei's youki once more and followed it, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Finally, I found him on the peak of a skyscraper. The moon looked ever so big and near once I reached the top. He was standing with his back facing me, not at all aware of my presence as I had hid my youki. His figure silhouetted against the incomplete planet, making him look more forlorn and untouchable than ever.  
  
I dashed forward and wrapped my arms around his firm torso. The moonlight cast onto my face and the breeze played with my hair, brushing it against Hiei's pale smooth face. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder, enjoying the moment, enjoying his presence in my embrace, his smell, his slightly disordered breathing and pounding of heart, enjoying everything about him. I expected him to push me away, but instead, he caught a wisp of my hair between his fingers.  
  
"Don't hide your ki and come close to me, it's a bad habit."  
  
His voice pulled me back to reality, reminding me what I must do so that he would not run away from me anymore.  
  
"Why do you want to know what Karasu is doing to me?" I said bitterly and tightened my hold on my fire demon, afraid that he would be gone the next second.  
  
"Because I want to know what could disturb the ruthless youko Kurama so much." I guess that was the best way for him to express his concerns.  
  
"I told you not to call me that. You know that Karasu seeks nothing but revenge in me, and you also know what is my greatest weakness. The reason I am not telling is obvious, but why can't you understand?" my voice and my whole body shook while saying that, caused by the overflow of pain and emotion I hid all the time. Somehow, I could not pretend anymore with Hiei so close to me.  
  
When he was around, I always felt safe enough to tear away the perfect mask I wore all the time, and allowed myself to become a kid, depending solely on his warmth as comfort. A strange feeling it is, but all too precious and vulnerable for me throw it away.  
  
"Because Karasu wants something that belongs to me."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Tell me what he did first."  
  
"In my dreams, I was all alone, so I ran, in search of you all. When I finally found you, I reached out and touched you but I killed you instead. Your blood was gushing out, as if there was no end," I shuddered at the memory. "Your eyes, they were cold and hard, blocking me all out from communicating to you. Hatred shone in them. yes, you did hate me. You said nothing but the gleam in your eyes seemed to be daggers slicing up my heart. I lost you because I tried to get near to you." my voice choked, and I felt something warm slide across my cheek to the corner of my mouth. I t was salty. Hiei was in my arms, but he seemed so far away once I recalled that dream. I buried my face in his shoulder, letting all my uncertainty flow out with my tears, dampening the material of his cloak.  
  
"Let go of me."  
  
"No," my words muffled but stubborn.  
  
"I can't see you this way, baka kitsune."  
  
I slowly let go of him, but still kept my hands on his shoulders. There was something in his tone which I could not defy. Commanding? No. More like teasing with a hint of impatience for my obstinacy.  
  
His eyes surprised me when I saw them. They were strong and firm, telling me that nothing would happen as long as he was there. But somewhere deep in those ruby orbs, a ray of gentleness cut through the solid exterior. They made me forget my sorrow and fear.  
  
He carefully pulled my left side lock, guiding my face so that it was level with his. I blushed as his finger touched my face and I realized how close we were. He inched even closer, and I felt him tracing the still wet tearstains on my face with the tip of his tongue. I shivered and closed my eyes as his warmth drew a line across my face.  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
I panicked as I saw the watery eyes and the tear stains on his face. The calm and most tolerant kitsune was crying. A blade cut through my heart, but somewhere deep down, I felt blessed at knowing that he was crying for me. I tried to look strong, because I had to be there for him. What should I do?  
  
Intertwining my fingers in his silky hair, I pulled his face down so that we were level. The moonbeam gave his visage a special glow and also made his emerald eyes sparkle, decorated with dew-like droplets. Normally his eyes were warm but he was hiding something in them. Now the shafts of cool light showed all his hidden element - uncertainty, fear, passion, and at loss.  
  
I ran my hand across his jaw line and held his head still, so that he could not escape. I saw him blush, and my heart pounded faster. Strange that it should pump more on such a tranquil moment.  
  
Before I knew it, I had a salty taste on the tip of my tongue. His tears were salty, but it also had the taste of dewdrops in the morning on a red rose. It ended by his mouth, and how I longed for those soft red lips, but it was not the time. I did not want to let him think that I merely pitied him.  
  
"Shed blood, but don't cry, kitsune. If only makes you give in to your weaker self. Besides, you won't look nice with your eyes red and puffy tomorrow." I said sarcastically and smirked.  
  
He smiled. I led him to the side of the building and sat down, our legs dangling over the edge. He laid his head once more on my shoulder and circled his slender arms around my waist possessively, as if I would run away again. After a while of comforting silence, he was composed enough to continue with his account of the nightmares.  
  
"I saw my mother in the dream just now. She was unconscious and her blood was being sucked out and drunk by me. The youko me," his voice was soft and smooth, and I know he had missed much detail in his description.  
  
"I watched as youko continued drinking, but I could do nothing. I was disgusted with youko, yet that was what I used to do. I despised him, detested him and hated him, yet I knew perfectly that I was hating myself. Why am I the youko? Why did I do such things? I wanted to deny my identity, to break all the mirrors in the world so that I would not see my self again, and maybe someday I would forget who I am."  
  
"And throw away all the memories you share with Shiroi?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You think too much, kitsune, you are just who you are, and that will never change and never be forgotten. Accept yourself and love yourself, or you will never love others."  
  
"Strange that it is you who are lecturing me about love."  
  
"Because I am not in it, so I could observe it more sensibly."  
  
"Just like the moon, overlooking everything with coldness, pretending not to car while casting its beams to give utmost comfort to the needed. It changes everyday, but it is still the same in every way. So distant, so near. I stretch out my hands but could never touch it, yet I know it is nearest to my heart. It would always be there for me."  
  
"Hn. Whatever," I hated to admit, but he was rather accurate.  
  
"Cone on, let's go home. Our home," he stood up and offered his hand tome. I took it, and without a word, we sped home, a blur of black and red in the middle of the night.  
  
*  
We entered the house through Kurama's open window. It must be rather late since those noisy Ningen had left. I prepared to leave for my own room when he spoke.  
  
"Stay with me for tonight. It has been a long time since you spent the night here once you moved in." He was sitting on the bed, leaving just sufficient space for me. I stuck to the ground, unsure of what to do. I might not be able to curb my desires if I got too close to the dangerously attractive kitsune. I wanted him. Seeing me hesitate, he smiled somewhat mischievously.  
  
"Don't worry. I won't do anything to you. Not yet."  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked sharply and glared at him. I felt myself flush. Not good.  
  
He pulled me over and pushed me onto the bed. He lied down beside me and snuggled up close, his garnet hair spread all over my shoulder and chest. His hair which was cut off by me had pretty much grown back. Such a vain creature.  
  
"What did you mean when you said that I am not your friend and that Karasu wants something that belongs to you?"  
  
"I'll tell you someday," and I watched as he drifted into a peaceful slumber, with no nightmares to haunt him.  
  
"What are you to me.? Don't you already know that, my kitsune?" 


	9. Life Is Better Than Death Death Is Bette...

I made Shizuru a part of my story because I like her and felt that it is really sad for her not to be able to be with Sakyo, so I created a circumstance for them to be together. But I still can't get clear whether I should be sad for Kuwabara and others or be happy for Shizuru.  
  
Yusuke's POV  
  
I pounded on the door of Minnamino residence hard and frantic. Sweat dripped down my face, as anxiety grew stronger in my heart. I had ran all the way here to et Kurama and Hiei.  
  
"Hiei! Kurama! OPEN UP!!!"  
  
The pounding sound vibrated through the empty house. No sound of anyone coming to get the door.  
  
"Shit! Just where are they when you need them?"  
  
I rounded to the back of the house and attempted one last try to see if they were there before leaving to turn the world upside down in search of the pair. It took me almost eternity to climb that tree beside Kurama's bedroom window. The mess in my mind and the urgent pressing of Koenma before I left for here all mead my usual agile movements clumsy.  
  
After balancing myself on the branches, I peered into the room and OH MY GOD! My jaw dropped open and my brain stooped dead, unable to respond to the scene before my eyes.  
  
Kurama had his head buried in Hiei's chest, and his arms were wrapped tightly around Hiei's waist and hip. The latter had his right arm over the redhead's shoulder while his other arm acted as a pillow for Kurama. The thing that struck me most was that Hiei actually looked peaceful and almost CUTE!!!  
  
I remembered my mission, so I jumped onto the windowsill, but that did not stop me form feeling exceptionally hot in the face.  
  
"WAKE UP!"  
  
Two pairs of eyes flew open and the two youkai quickly disengaged themselves form each other's embrace. Kurama flashed me an embarrassed smile, but Hiei just looked agitated that I had spoiled his good dreams.  
  
"What takes you here so early?" Kurama enquired politely. I just realized that I was staring at him without blinking.  
  
"Oh! Come, follow me. No time to explain," and I jumped back to the branch, slowly lowered myself down the tree. After I landed, I found Kurama and Hiei waiting for me at the bottom patiently. How did they get down?  
  
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me and soon, we were on top of a mountain. Koenma, Botan, Genkai, Yukian and Kuwabara formed a circle around something. Grief hang in the air and broken sobs were the only sound. The whole mountain seemed to be frozen, to mourn over the dead.  
  
I went over and saw Shizuru's body once more. She looked the same. Yes, dead people could change no more. She had a knife in her heart, but judging from her expressions, it was suicide. Her eyes were closed, and her pale lips formed a gentle and content smile. She seemed to be comforted by death.  
  
I did not know what to feel. Although I had been the Reikai Tantei for so long, I had rarely seen a dead human body, let alone someone who was so close to me. She was just fine the day before, bashing Kuwabara and taking long drags on her cigarette. Now she could never move again. The impact of death hit me with full force. When Genkai died, at least I knew who to blame, who to let out my frustrations to, but Shizuru just killed herself. Why did she do such a stupid thing?  
  
"Why? WHY? Did you do this to yourself? To all of us?" Kuwabara suddenly started shaking her dead body, hoping that she would wake up and jab him in the ribs once more. Slowly, his violent outburst ebbed away an he dropped to his knees, letting his overflowing tears land on her blouse. "Why."  
  
"Anybody has a clue to why she committed suicide?" Kurama asked.  
  
"I may know the reason," Koenma answered and furrowed his brows.  
  
"WHAT?!" Kuwabara shouted loud enough to be heard over 100 miles. All of us jumped except those typical calm people of the group - Genkai, Kurama and Hiei.  
  
"See the lighter in her hand? Sakyo gave that to her before he died, and it was only witnessed by me. Maybe she knew about the other dimension, so she died so that she could see him once more."  
  
"And did she succeed?"  
  
Koenma inhaled deeply before responding to my question. "Yes, she did. I've checked the Reikai files and her soul is incomplete, and that is what I am afraid of. Souls going to places which are forbidden and Reikai is not even able to control that."  
  
"Thus the whole definition of death is reversed. Is it good or bad? She looks so happy now," Kurama whispered thoughtfully.  
  
"For good or bad, I do not car, but it is sure to cause chaos in all three worlds. Your jobs are to stop that, have I made myself clear? I do not want to find Yukina or anyone else dead the next time I come to Ningenkai. Now go and do what you are supposed to. Beware of Karasu, especially you two," and Koenma nodded to Hiei and Kurama before vanishing.  
  
"Kuwabara, let her rest in peace and get on with your life. Be strong for her," I consoled and patted his shoulder.  
  
"Don't be too hard on yourself. We will go and welcome my family back form their tip first, then we would go to mourn over Shizuru. She has chosen her own path, so maybe you should feel happy for her," Kurama said and without casting one last glance at us, he went down the mountain with Hiei. I could sense that something was disturbing him, but gave it no second thought while I followed Kuwabara as he carried the dead on her last journey.  
  
Shizuru's POV  
  
"What is your one last with?" a musical and soothing voice asked. It sounded feminine and childish, naïve and innocently jovial. It reminded me of someone's voice I heard before, but strangely, I could not recall his name and looks.  
  
"I want to be with Sakyo-san," I replied without further thinking.  
  
"Your wish is granted."  
  
*  
I blinked. Where am I? It seemed that all I experienced was a dream. Everything was grey. I was in a small room, with no windows and door. A neatly made bed took almost half of the space.  
  
Was I dead? I guess so. That means I was a spirit then. The voice said that I could see Sakyo-san again and since I had no idea how to get into and out of a room with no openings, I only had the option to wait.  
  
Suddenly, the wall before my eyes just came apart form the center and there stood the man who had never left my dreams. His eyes widened in seeing me, and quickly stepped inside, the walls joined behind him seamlessly. He was wearing grey shirt and pants, sort of like a working uniform, and it was painted with blood. I rushed forward, expecting to see serious injuries, but strangely, there was not even a bruise.  
  
I felt is hand running through my hair, cupping my chin and lifting my eyes to meet his. I had never even got this close to him even when he was alive.  
  
"How did you get here? This is the worst part of hell, and Koenma forbids normal souls from coming here, and how did you die?" he asked with a gentleness I had hardly received from anyone. It just made me want to cry.  
  
"I don't really remember," I just realized, " but as long as I could stay with you, to be by your side, everything's fine."  
  
"What about your family and friends?"  
  
"Kazuma can manage well without me. He's not a kid anymore and I know I have to let go some day. I am not really that important to anyone, so I decided to take a chance and do what I want."  
  
"But you are just wasting your time with me, a person who is already dead. I am not worth your sacrifice."  
  
"Your soul is not dead, and to me it is not a sacrifice. I am just making myself more cheerful."  
  
"You will regret."  
  
"I never regret in my life, and never will."  
  
He pulled me close and held me tight. I felt secure, not like what I usually was - being strong, look strong as if nothing could ever bother you, and always giving comfort to others. I was tired. I wished that someone could crack open my exterior mask and hold me as a vulnerable child, fragile, delicate and brittle. Just like what he was doing. I twirled a few strands of his long ebony hair in my fingers.  
  
"Do you know why I chose to die when Koenma stated clearly that he did not want my life?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I know that if I am alive, it would be hard for you to cease liking me, but the more feelings you put into the relationship, the more your conscience waver. You would feel guilty for giving your heart to the enemy and your friendship with others would drift apart. I am not worth you to do so much for me, and I would have nothing in return. Therefore, I chose to let go of you, and I truly believe that you would suffer less without me."  
  
"If we were alive, I might have the problems you mentioned, but let's put the society, kinship and friendship behind us since we are dead now. All I want to do is to see you and hold you in my arms everyday."  
  
"Then promise me not to leave this room."  
  
"Of course I won't. there's not even an opening in here, and why are things all grey?"  
  
"Because you are the only colour in my life."  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
We had been home for an hour and all we did was sit in the living room, anticipating the sound of the doorbell which would announce the arrival of Shiori and the other two Ningen. He was rather thoughtful and somber, I guess because of Shizuru's death. Human emotions.  
  
"Hiei, you once said that you would never die for someone, but if death is not the end, would you change your mind?" he broke the silence and stared at the air. It was more like he was looking though everything and into another dimension.  
  
"Hn. You think too much, kitsune."  
  
"Confusing, isn't it?" he turned to face me. His irises. I thought that I was plunged into a deep green sea, endless and full of sorrow, anguish and solemn. I sank, further and further into the depth. I wanted to say something, but did not know what. I could not breathe, my lungs filled by the cold green water.  
  
DING-DONG!!!  
  
I broke out of the trance. Kurama rose to welcome his "mother" and I just kept behind. Shiori was cheerful as usual, but there was something very wrong. A shade of dark appeared vaguely between her brows.  
  
"Hiei, can you take the luggage upstairs?" Kurama said as he guided Shiori to sit down. Apparently, he noticed too. I took all those bags and suitcases all at once, and felt the two Ningen gape in awe as I carried those to the second floor. After distributing the burdens in their respective places, I went straight to Kurama's room, awaiting his report on Shiori.  
  
Soon, I caught his footsteps, but they were heavy, which was very unlike him. He almost slammed the door once he came in, his face pale and eyes unfocused. "What's wrong?" he was starting to make me unsettled.  
  
"Shiori is ill. Makai poison. Incurable unless to the one who made the poison. Karasu." 


	10. Contract With The Devil Contract Of The ...

Sorry for the late update this time. There are things in this chapter that I have never written before.  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
My heart was pounding vigorously and my mind was screwed into a mess. I shut my eyes, trying to calm myself. A sting sensation came form my palms, and I felt a sticky liquid seep through my tightly clenched fingers. Blood. A fist drop touched the ground, with a slight sickening splat. A second drop, a third drop.  
  
"This type of poison is the most venomous, but most taboo in the Makai. Powerful as it is, very little people use it. The poison varies greatly, and none of it is the same, because it contains the blood of the maker. Once your blood is mixed into the solution, you will be cursed for life, and a punishment will befall, worse than your imagination. It cannot be made twice by the same person," I explained after I had found my voice, and some part of my sanity back.  
  
"How does people get poisoned?" Hiei asked, staring hard at me.  
  
"Normally the poison appears in the form of liquid, injected into the victim. If the person does not get cured in two weeks, then."  
  
"How did Shiori get the poison?"  
  
"I. don't .shit!" I suddenly became full aware of when the problem started. I dug my nails deeper into my palm, but I could no longer feel the pain. Ice ran through my veins and finally reached my heart. The sticky magenta liquid seeped out fast, eager to land. Splat, splat, splat. That was all I heard, not even my heartbeat.  
  
"What is it?" the hidden concern in his voice lifted my spirits a little.  
  
"Before the trip, she was called to the hospital for a flu vaccine. That must be the time. The chance for Karasu to possess one of the doctors and injected the poison. Why didn't I notice?" my speech soon rose in volume, repenting myself, releasing all the suppressed pressure and insanity, losing hold of all the self-control I had.  
  
"I was even there with her, but WHY WASN'T I MORE CAREFULLY?! I promised to protect her, BUT THE ENEMY JUST DESTROYED HER RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE! If I had been more"  
  
"Calm down, kitsune. You are losing yourself!" Hiei cut through my yelling and pinned my to the wall.  
  
"observant, this would not have happened! IT'S ALL MY FAULT, I BROUGHT ALL THIS UPON HER! If only. if only I am not Youko Kurama. What's the use of all my powers? I CAN'T EVEN PROTECT MY OWN MOTHER!"  
  
"Shut up, Kurama!!"  
  
"I'm useless.." my sentence was cut in half and I found myself unable to speak. Hiei had pressed his lips on mine. What was happening? I slowly ceased to think about Shiori, indulging my self in the kiss, melting.  
  
Hiei pulled away when I had just started to respond. I felt a little disappointed.  
  
"Hiei, I'm sorry." but I was cut short again, his lips gently brushed against mine, however he had pulled away again before I had the chance to prolong the kiss. I was agitated, and it made want him even more.  
  
"I told you not to speak, kitsune," he leaned over and whispered in my ear, his breath sent a shiver through me.  
  
He made me sit on the bed while he went into the bathroom and came out carrying a wet towel. Sitting down beside me, he took my right hand, the one dyed red by blood, and carefully spread out my fingers. The wound was pretty deep, and blood continued to ooze out, though at a slower pace. Hiei wiped away the blood on my hand, the towel felt cool and soothing against my flaming skin.  
  
"Don't mutilate yourself like this. You can't hold your rose whip this way."  
  
Fresh crimson liquid seeped out of the yet to heel wound, and Hiei licked it away, mixing saliva into the cut to stop the bleeding faster. Some crimson stayed on his lips, making them seem fuller and tastier. I had not felt like that since I changed to Minnamino Shuuichi, and I know this desire could either be fulfilled or fought down, which was rather hard for a youko. In this case, I chose to let it run free.  
  
I lowered my head and softly touched his lips with my own. Sensing no rejection, I slid my arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer. Although he had kissed me first, but I could feel he was not accustomed to this. I opened my mouth a little and licked away the blood on his lips, as well as asking for entrance. He was still a little hesitant, but yielded. Desire and passion was soon mixed into the kiss, and Hiei's reactions became more violent, pushing me towards the back of the bed, towards the wall, cornering me.  
  
We broke away, gasping for air, and saw his face was flushed and his ruby irises had fire burning in then. The fire of lust, hungry for me, eating me up. I must have looked the same.  
  
The heat of his lips ran down my neck and I threw my head back, inviting more sexual gestures. He teased one particular spot of flesh just above my collarbone, a ticking sensation crept through my body as he bit me lightly there. A soft moan escaped my throat, a protest as Hiei stopped.  
  
"I will look for Karasu using my jagan, tomorrow at school," Hiei said staring at me straight in the eyes. A small chill ran though my veins, but it was much better than when I found out about the poison. Just knowing that Hiei will be there for me made me warm. I smiled.  
  
"Thanks, Hiei. I guess we must go now. Shizuru's funeral," and giving Hiei a big hug, I went into the bathroom to tidy myself up. That's when I noticed the delicious red mark on my neck.  
  
* We arrived at the funeral quite late. All eh others were there, Keiko crying on Yusuke's shoulder and Kuwabara had his arm around the weeping Yukina's small form. I caught Hiei scowling at the sight. Only Koenma was not there.  
  
Suddenly, Koenma just appeared in the center of the room speak of the devil.  
  
"Come on, guys, I have good news for you," he said as if ordering his servants around. Guess that was the way a prince must speak, but it gets on my nerves sometimes.  
  
"What is it?" Yusuke asked rather glumly.  
  
"Shizuru could be brought back to life."  
  
"REALLY?!" Kuwabara and Yusuke shouted in union.  
  
"Yes, because she died from the effect of the other dimension, her soul might be joined together again if the dimension is destroyed. I have got the special permission from my father to allow her to be brought back to life if you guys complete the mission. So work hard and you will get what you want. Also, keep Shizuru's body well."  
  
"Yes! Sir! Thanks a million, Koenma," Kuwabara screamed in his high pitch voice and gave Koenma a bear hug, and I could see that the hug almost broke the poor prince's ribs. The whole gloomy mood of the funeral was shattered, and everyone became even more chatty and enthusiastic than they usually were.  
  
"I thought that I could get some peace and quiet on a funeral, but guess I am wrong," Hiei remarked coldly and turned to leave. I prepared to follow him, but was pulled back by someone. From the strong smell of liquor, that should be Atsuko.  
  
"Hey, Kurama, that's a pretty cute kiss mark on your neck. Who gave it to you?" she asked in her half drunk manner.  
  
"Kiss mark?! Where?" Yusuke came rushing over, "Ooo! Who's the lucky girl?" by now, almost everyone's attention was drawn over, and was trapped in the middle. I looked at Hiei, asking for help, but he merely stood by the doorway, seeming unconcerned as he usually was.  
  
"You've got it all wrong. It's just a normal bruise," I explained meekly, and I did not even sound convincing to myself, not to mention the never-give-up spirit of Yusuke.  
  
"I've lived long enough to know the difference between a kiss mark and a bruise, and I believe you are too," Atsuko said, eyeing me lazily, "don't deny it. The mark's lovely, really."  
  
"Come on, just tell us. Are you afraid that you popularity with girls will drop or is it." he squinted. Blood rushed to my face and I was sure the colour of my face matched my hair perfectly. "OH! I know it! It's him, right?" Yusuke exclaimed judging from my expression.  
  
"Who? Who is it, Urameshi? And what do you mean by 'him'?" Kuwabara asked, wide-eyed,  
  
"Hiei! Who elas? I saw them hugging this morning."  
  
"WHAT?! THAT SHRIMP? Hey, Kurama, are you out of your mind? Nobody could even get near that shortie without getting burnt, plus he's bad- tempered, doesn't talk, expressionless and cold-blooded."  
  
I glimpsed a black shadow and before I knew it, Hiei had made his way past the crowd and roughly pulled my head down. My lips met his, the fourth time that day, and he was completely in control this time, invading the cavern of my mouth instantly. I willingly gave up my domain, responding just slightly when I felt he was breaking away. My arms went around his waist naturally, and his firm hold on my neck eased. His fingers ran through my hair and down my spine. Who cares what others would say? Nothing mattered to me more than to wallow in the sensual pleasure at that moment.  
  
We broke away just when I thougt I would die form lack of oxygen.  
  
".did you let him kiss you?" Kuwabara finished his sentence weakly, and his jaws dropped open. His face was a pale shade of green and he looked even sicker than when he almost had his heart ripped out by Toguro.  
  
"Now does that satisfy you?" Hiei snapped at the ill-looking Kuwabara. A second later, I found myself rushing out of the funeral with Hiei leading the way.  
  
"Hey, Keiko, we should do that too sometimes, ne? Oww! What did you do that for?!" I caught Yusuke yell before the sound of the wind filled my ears and the form of my fire demon filled my eyes and thoughts.  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
Days passed by, and the ticking of the clock became louder and louder, almost deafening. Time was slipping away, so did our patience, calm exterior and sanity. Endless searching all proved futile, but what else could we do? I could see the hands of the clock pushing Kurama further and further out onto the cliff, the edge of breaking down. He pretended to be fine, but I saw him in his room once, with his arms hugging his knees, his head buried in the darkness, crimson hair flowed like blood.  
  
It was Sunday, the last day for us to find Karasu. It was eight in the evening, four hours to find the way to cure the poison before Shiori would give her hands to death. We were out in the woods, searching even the obviously impossible places for Karasu's soul to hide.  
  
Kurama's hand slipped into mine, but it had lost its usual temperature. I could feel him trembling.  
  
"Hiei, let's go home after an hour. I want to."  
  
"I understand." He had given up at last. His normally sparking emerald eyes had lost all their shine, and his soothing tone just became flat and dead. He was hurt, but made sure no drop of blood fell, bottling all his emotions and locked the doors of his half-open heart.  
  
"Why so sad, my dearest youko? Need my help?" an icy voice rang out through the thick canopy. Our heads jerked up towards the place where the sound was emitted, and a Ningen jumped down from a tree with agility of a youkai.  
  
"I have an offer to make, especially for you, my youko. Do you want to hear me out?" 


	11. Killing the Enemy Protecting the Enemy

Thanks a lot for the reviews and I really appreciate them. Give me more so that I would know how I'm doing and what I need to improve on. The rating has changed because of later chapters.  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
"What do you want?" Kurama asked coldly, more Youko-like and he withdrew his hand form mine.  
  
"What do I want? It should be what you want. Shiori is going to die in an hour, so make up your mind fast." The Ningen possessed by Karasu said.  
  
"Fine. Name your price." I could feel he was silently startled by the prospect of Shiori's life cut down by three precious hours.  
  
"The only way to postpone the poison form activating is by letting me possess the victim for 12 hours a day, form 9 pm to 9am. She must be possessed daily, if not, one second after 9 pm and she will die. The poison cannot be cured, only postponed form activating. In return, I get to use her body in any way I want during ht e12 hours. If you are not satisfied with my offer, then hurry home and spend some last minutes with her while you can, it doesn't matter to me," he said with a disgusting smirk. He was right. We were completely at his mercy.  
  
"Let the Ningen go, and come."  
  
We sped home, and I caught a glint in Kurama's eyes. It was no longer dull, but lit with hatred, vengeance, anxiety, determination, and most of all, desperation with a hint of fear and despair.  
  
Our trip ended, and so did our freedom.  
  
*  
I was in my room, in the darkness, and the silence in the house and the surroundings was just unnerving. Dead silence, as if the whole world was killed. Nothing was happening, but somehow, I just got more and more tense as each minute passed by. Maybe it was the last moment of peace before the ultimate destruction.  
  
Nothing had happened in the past week since Karasu started possessing Shiori's body. I should be grateful, but just like tonight, the last moment of peace.  
  
Footsteps, it went up the stairs and past my room. It had finally begun. The sound stopped in front of Kurama's door, and disappeared as the door clicked shut. After about five minutes, which seemed like an eternity, I could bear the silence no more and dashed out. I stopped in front of the door, hesitation, or should I say fearing what I would see. For the first time in my life, I wished everything never happened and I would not have to face the dreadful future anymore. Wishes were still whishes, and they could never come true. Unless you die.  
  
My hand was on the doorknob. I twisted and pushed. My eyes took some time to focus, and my mind took some time to prepare for whatever that lay ahead. It's time to face the music.  
  
Shiori, no Karasu had his hand placed lightly, but firmly on Kurama's neck, guiding his face down, while he tip-toed and pressed his lips, although light as it was, it still made my insides turn over, against my kitsune's mouth. Kurama's eyes were shut, a frown of deep disgust and unwillingness clouded his brows. He had no alternative. His hands were clutched into tight fists by his side, shaking with suppressed detest for Karasu, yet unable to fight back.  
  
Karasu pulled away, thought it did not make me feel less nauseating.  
  
"Really, Hiei, you couldn't have chosen a worse time to interrupt," Shiori's voice ran out chilly and cruel. It was her tone, yet I sounded totally alien to me. He ran his tongue over his lips slowly, as if to savour every bit of Kurama's taste on them. "I didn't expect the infamous youko Kurama to be so sweet, just like a blooming rose. No wonder even the emotionless Forbidden Child would come back for more, isn't it, my Kurama?"  
  
I turned to regard the kitsune, but the avoided my gaze and looked outside the window. A twinge of pain ran through me like a blade stabbed deep into a piece of living flesh, pulling the blade down and drew a smooth line. Blood threatened to fall, but somehow was held back against its will, causing even more torture.  
  
Karasu skimmed his finger across the graceful curve of Kurama's neck and into his silky hair, but the kitsune did not even stir. The finger went along his spine, and my youki was starting to focus onto my right arm. The finger went around his waist, and my youki sparked, burning through the bandage. The finer went down to his hips, and my bandage had fallen away by half.  
  
"Hiei! Don't do it!" Kurama warned but I paid no attention.  
  
I pulled off the rest of the cloth around my arm, revealing my black dragon, and the strip of cloth covering my jagan was blown away by my strong outburst of youki. My dragon fought to be released, now that the seal had been broken, and I took my aim. Karasu just stood there with a smug expression, daring me to fire. My rage surged towards him with my dragon.  
  
Suddenly, Kurama dashed out and stood firmly with his arms spread out, between the attack and Karasu. I stopped just in time, the Kokuryhua barely millimeters away form Kurama's fragile Ningen body the force of the blow sent his hair swirling around his face.  
  
"Get out of the way," I hissed, but could not really be angry at the kitsune.  
  
"Please, don't do it, Hiei," Kurama pleaded, the grief in his tone conveyed his love for his mother, but his eyes showed that he was just as confused and distraught as I was.  
  
"He is Karasu."  
  
"She is Shiori."  
  
My dragon vaporized into the air, reduced to nothing but a black tattoo on my arm.  
  
"Yes, the body of this Ningen woman, the ultimate weakness of the dauntless youko," Karasu said as he emerged from behind Kurama's shield, " but I did not expect it to be intimidating he Forbidden Child too. Ningen emotions, once you are indulged in it, your actions become so easily predictable. I never know it is so much fun to toy with other's feelings, to see them totally at your mercy, to know exactly their next move."  
  
He walked towards me, his eyes alive with frenzy, shining through the innocent irises of Shiori. He brushed his palm against my face and I jerked away, thought the disgustingly icy and dirty tough still lingered in my senses.  
  
"I will be waiting for you in the garden tonight. I believe you have something to ask. Don't keep me waiting for too long because you don't ant this body to suffer from insomnia, right?" He said to me and after keeping his stare into my eyes for a few seconds more, he left.  
  
"Kitsune." Kurama stood by the window, still refusing to meet my gaze. I went over ad wrapped my arms securely around his slender waist, and buried my face in his scarlet hair.  
  
"Don't. touch me," he said feebly and made a weak attempt to free himself, but it caused me to hold even tighter. Slowly, I felt his body turning limp and he leaned back onto me.  
  
"Hiei, I just feel so dirty, being touched by Karasu, but when I look at him, I see the features of Shiori, and I don't know who he is anymore. Every time I tried to push him away, I see Shiori dying and I would feel weak all over. He's using her as hostage, but I can't save her. Now I don't even know how to face you, how to look into your eyes without feeling guilty that I have been touched by someone else, without feeling that I would pollute you."  
  
"You are thinking too much, baka kitsune. You don't' have to know how to face me, because I have never left you.  
  
I carried the frail Kurama to his bed and tucked him in.  
  
"Go on, sleep. You are tired today."  
  
"Promise you won't go tot Karasu tonight," his eyes searching me earnestly for an answer, for a reassurance.  
  
"Fine, now go to sleep, you stubborn creature," and I pressed him onto the bed firmly. Soon, his closed his eyes and fell asleep, though I could see it was not peaceful.  
  
"I'm only doing this for your good, kitsune," I whispered before jumping out of his open window.  
  
*  
"You are finally here. It sure took you pretty long time," he said with his back facing me.  
  
"Hn. What do you want?" I said trying to deep the conversation as short as possible.  
  
" Is it not clear to you yet? I want the most desired and feared creature in the Makai, for him to kneel before me, to let him become my toy, to let him suffer thousand of times more than when I died. But most of all, I want him to be mine. Who won't considering how the youko look? Even when he is in his Ningen form the supreme grace and beauty could not be covered. Is that not what you desire for too?"  
  
"Hunger for his body, the lust, is that all?"  
  
"What else could there be? Love? That is just an imaginary thing people create to make themselves weaker. Just look at the youko now, reduced to complying to a soul without any powers, reduced to seeking comfort from someone who came into this world totally by mistake. Love, the most foolish thing ever seen."  
  
I listened in distaste, my detest for him growing with every sickening syllable he spoke. Was I like him before I joined the Reikai Tantei? I could not, and no longer want to remember.  
  
"Undre what conditions will you stop harassing him?"  
  
"Hmm. Let's see. First, kill me, well actually destroy my soul and kill Shiori, which I believe you will not dare to risk. Second, let him come to me willingly, which would not be fun anymore. Last of all, I will leave him alone for 6 months if you agree to disappear from my sight once and for all."  
  
"Why is it me and how would I know I if you have kept your promise or not?"  
  
"With you around to spoil all the good moments, who knows how long I have to wait before Kurama becomes mine? I don't have so much patience and control over myself. As for if I keep my promise, you could never be sure. It all depends on my mood, but I guess you don't have a choice anyway. If I can't curb my desires before the end of 6 months, then count yourself unlucky. I will give you 2 days to think it over, and my offer would never appear again after that."  
  
Rage bolted through me on hearing his contemptuous offer, feeling that I had been treated as a pathetic dog who would accept anything that came along its way.  
  
"Honestly, I don't see why you need such a long time for you decision," he continued, "you haven't really expect the youko to have grown a genuine attachment to you, have you? When have you ever seen any demon in Makai caught in the web of love? The youko is merely toying you around, like what I am doing now, just in a different manner. Furthermore, what good will you bring to him? There's plenty of youkai more powerful than you out there dying to have a partner like Kurama. You are just a pitiful kid who brings disaster to everyone around you, the Forbidden Child."  
  
"SHUT UP!!"  
  
"I'll be waiting." but I had already gone beyond hearing range of his words.  
  
*  
I sat by his bed, staring at his angelic face. The red strands acted as a curtain, half hiding his now closed emerald orbs. I ran my fingers lightly over his cheeks, treasuring the smooth texture I felt.  
  
"Why are you doing this to me? I this what you want, Kurama? After touching you, I can't even tear my heart from you, can't even leave you. What have you gotten me into? I hate you ." 


	12. So Near So Far

In the later part of the story, I made Kurama talk about Hiei using "you" instead of "he", so that it seems that Kurama is talking to Hiei although he is not there. If you think it is strange, tell me and I will change it. As for the poetry, I did not write according to the tempo and rhythm for a formal poem to achieve more feeling and freedom. (you could also say that I am too lazy to obey the formal stuff)  
  
I walked on a road, A road that I could not see But I had to keep on, without stopping. Darkness enveloped me. No, I was part of it.  
  
The rain lashed at my face Every part of me that I could touch My hands and feet were numb. Was I cold? No, a person who never knew warmth would not feel cold.  
  
The wind caressed my hair Sending my cloak afloat. I saw a wind chime But no sound came; it was broken. No, there was only a lone piece of metal on it.  
  
I reached the center of a frozen lake, The ice thinner than paper. I dare not take one more step Afraid the surrounding would shatter. No, it was an excuse to stop the pointless journey.  
  
You stepped onto the ice with the weight of a feather And embraced me With touch like rose petals glazing my skin. Was it desire you make me feel? No, it was warmth I never knew and never wanted.  
  
We were still, but the ice broke Tearing you away from me. Emotions I never had before Surged through my mind. No, they were always there, just undiscovered.  
  
I held on to your hand as tightly as I could But the force of the water was prying us apart. I felt my hand slipping away And as the presence of your fingertip left mine. I could hold you no more. No, I could still do that, by clutching to the memories we shared Never to let go again, As you existed only in them now.  
  
I embarked on the road once more, The road that I could not see. Darkness ate me up as always, Yet something was wrong. No, I was not who I was anymore.  
  
The rain lashed at me mercilessly, Just like before. Now it chilled me to the bones, Toe the heart. No, a person who had known warmth could not withstand the cold.  
  
The wind sifted through my hair Carrying with it a heartbroken requiem Made up of the tinkling of wind chimes. There were tow pieces of metals on it now. No, being side by side did not create any happy melody.  
  
I walked on Replaying the precious memories in m y mind, Memories of you, Of you when you were, for a split second, mine. No, you were never mine, and never will be.  
  
* Kurama's POV  
  
I woke up and looked groggily around. The clock read 10 am.  
  
"Wow, I slept for so long." I surveyed the room again. Something felt wrong; something was missing. Yes, I could not sense Hiei's youki in any part of the house.  
  
"Maybe he went out for a walk," I consoled my self, trying to cover the hollow feeling in my heat, but I climbed out of bed quickly and rushed downstairs, not even bothering to groom. Hiei had left me for long periods before, but I would always have a subconscious knowledge of where he was and whether he was hurt. It was as if there was a thread that joined out hearts together. Now, the thread was cut. I did not know why, and had not the slightest idea of where he was. I know that was the fact, but refused to let the reality sink in.  
  
"Hiei must be here somewhere," I searched his room, and soon dashed into the kitchen, "he promised that he would not leave, he promised," my voice chocked up with desperation.  
  
"Shuuichi, are you alright? What are you looking for?" Shiori's voice called out from behind me.  
  
I turned and saw the concerned face of my mother, but also the visage of the person who haunted me just last night. Hatred and disgust floated to the top of my mind, but was soon pushed down by my frantic desire to at least know where Hiei was.  
  
"I'm fine. Do you know where Hiei is? I mean, did you see him this morning?" I tried not to sound too anxious, but my words still came out jumbled up without making any sense.  
  
"No, I haven't, dear. I thought he's still asleep," she replied and her frown deepened, "is he gone?"  
  
"Well, sort of. I'll go look for him outside," I said and squeezed out a smile before brushing past her hurriedly, eager to get out into the place where Hiei was. Suddenly, I found my self in a light embrace with my head on her shoulder. I froze, reliving through the horrible memories of last night.  
  
"Calm down, Shuuichi. I know that you are worried about Hiei, but he must have reasons for his departure. There's no point meeting him when he is not ready for you yet. Don't put it too hard on both of you. Just wait for him, and I believe he will be back, no matter how much time has passed. People you love always will."  
  
I relaxed a little into her hug. Yes, she was Shiori. "I know, Kaasan," but she did not know the main problem. It was not whether Hiei was ready to meet me or not, rather that I needed Hiei now, more than anyone in the world, and yet he was not there, he did not keep his promise. Where are you? Where are you? My mind yelled out again and again, the sound vibrated through the darkness, answering me with only my empty echoes.  
  
"If you want to find him, it's ok. Just don't be home too late," she released me and flashed me a smile I was so familiar with, but when would it change into a loathing smirk? I did not feel like facing her.  
  
*  
a few minutes later, I was out on the street buried in the crowd of people. I wound my way between them, not wanting to reduce my self to pushing people onto the ground yet. My progress was slow, and soon, my patience was wearing thin, and only had the enough sanity to stop myself form drawing out my rose whip to clear the road ahead.  
  
Finally, I arrived in front of Yusuke's door.  
  
"Yusuke, have you seen Hiei?" I almost shouted at the drowsy teenager who took 3 minutes just to come to the door.  
  
"Hey, calm down. No, I haven't. Isn't he with you?"  
  
I was buried in the hustle and bustle of people again, turning my head once so often in hope of catching a glimpse of the black hair with a white star shape in the middle, or a pair of flaming scarlet irises. I knew all so clearly in the bottom of my heart that he was not there, but I denied the truth. I was chasing Hiei and escaping the reality. All my fear was transformed into boundless energy to keep me running, and if I stop, the liquid of dread invades my veins, freezes me up ad shatters me into a million pieces, upon hitting a rock. That rock was Hiei.  
  
"Kuwabara, have you seen Hiei?"  
  
"Huh? That shrimp? Why.(yawn) would he come to me.(yawn)?"  
  
I still had on destination left, and where would I go after that? This Ningen world alone was big enough, not counting Makai and Reikai. Why were there so many people, when every one of them was right by me, but of no real importance at all, when you, the only one I needed, were gone? Why did you leave? I was confused. I was lost.  
  
"Genkai-san, have you seen Hiei?"  
  
"I don't sense his youki within 100m diameter form the place I a m standing. What to got to Makai?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
A gust of wind blew past, carrying the smell of blood, rotten flesh of thousands of years, vengeance and the urge to kill, but something was missing in it. You were not in there, you were not in any part of the vast landscape my eyes could not even see the end. My longing for you broke free, taking the form of a wretching yell, brought away by the same current of air over hundreds of miles. Could you catch it?  
  
"Look what we've got here. Such a pretty redhead, and a Ningen body too. Must be delicious." A foul odour filled my senses, and I felt tiny groups of youki approaching me. Mostly class D and below, but tens of thousands of them were coming.  
  
"What was he screaming about anyway? Lost his mate?"  
  
"ROSE WHIP!!" in a flash, the ten or so youkai around me were split into half by the waist. I did not stop, did not want to and could not, as I lashed y whip out in swift and violent moves, one after another, continuous like the rushing water. I merely heard the wind as I cut through it, felt the blood splash onto me as I cut into the flesh. They did not even have the time to shout out their agony. Pathetic creatures. The air was soon saturated by the reek of the dead; my clothes were almost drenched with blood; the dusty ground made muddy by the freshly shed liquids. I couldn't have cared less.  
  
I ran into the forest, totally ignoring the traps I know clearly of, just wanting to run in that straight line to the end of the world. I fell, stood up; caught in some plants, destroyed them. I kept running, not knowing where I was heading, not knowing how long I had been running, not tending to the injuries I acquired, letting them accumulate to wear me out.  
  
A vine wrapped itself tightly around my ankle, its thorns digging deep into my flesh, I fell onto the ground, into the mud, and all strength left me, my rose whip was reduced to a brilliant red rose, its petals matched my flowing blood.  
  
"You promised that you won't leave me, no matter what. Why did you break the vow?" I whispered, as I finally let the truth sink in. You left on purpose, you were hiding from me. Was it because I was dirty? Then why did you still hug me, still murmured those comforting words in my ear, still caressed me as if you loved me when you were disgusted instead? I did not understand. Why did you lie to me?  
  
You lied to me, you hurt me, and yet every time I call you name, think of you, I could not bring myself to hate you. Then in what form should my love for you take? Anger?  
  
I closed my fingers around the stem of the rose, snapping the brittle thing while its thorns planted themselves in my flesh. I crushed its blooming bulb in my palm, the petals strewn all around me.  
  
Was that how our love looks like? 


	13. Angel of Death Angel of Rebirth

I created an OC this chapter, and hope you all like her. She is not good and not bad, just neutral, and totally innocent, but through her I want to show something, and I hope you could understand what I'm trying to say. (sounds like I'm saying crap, right?) I decided to change the starting format. Do you like it?  
  
Chapter 13: Angel of Death; Angel of Rebirth  
  
If the world is too ugly to bear,  
Embrace death,  
And maybe solace could be found there  
And maybe you could be reborn.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
I opened my eyes reluctantly after what felt like a hundred years of deep slumber. I did not want to face the world anymore, knowing that there was nothing I wanted in there. My love fore my mother had not diminished, but I just felt so tired of being on guard around her, not knowing who she would become the next second. I wanted to sleep, never to wake up again.  
  
The smell of freshly brewed green tea traveled into my nose along with the natural scent of the forest pine. I was covered in a thick blanket; the mattress was warm and soft beneath me. Where was I?  
  
"Kurama-kun, you have finally woke up," Yukina's sweet smiling face appeared before my eyes. Her ruby irises had a gentle sparkle, a hue exactly like her brother's. I could not look at her.  
  
"Hiei." I uttered his name without even knowing it.  
  
"I don't know if it was Hiei-kun who brought you here, but we just found you on the doorstep of the temple. You were unconscious form too much loss of blood, and I healed you. You have been sleeping for two days."  
  
"Thanks. Can I have a moment to myself please?"  
  
Flashing me another rosy smile, Yukina left some hot tea by the bed and left quietly.  
  
My emotions broke through the dam in my heart, overflowing as tears that trickled down my cheeks, tiny droplets at first but soon they streamed down uncontrollably. No matter how hard I longed for you, how hared I searched for you, there was no use. I know that it was you who brought me here, but you avoided me until I had fainted. You did not want to face me. There was no use forcing this relationship to continue when you detested me so much. I should just let go and make things easier for you, and maybe one day you would still come back and treat me as a friend.  
  
But it hurt; it hurt so much, to chase after you receding figure, knowing that you would never turn around; to know that I could never touch you again. It hurt, it hurt so much, to let the fabric absorb all my hidden pain, only to evaporate into the air minutes later, not even leaving a trace.  
  
If only I could see you once more. If only I could feel your warmth once more.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Shuuichi, there's till no news on Hiei?"  
  
I felt as if a knife was stabbed into my heart. I tried hard not to grimace. Shit, I still could not let go completely. It had been a month, and I firmly told myself that yesterday was the last day I would let the pillow soak up my tears, and I would bury everything after that. I hate to be wrong, and this was already the umpteenth time.  
  
"No, I can't find him, Kaasan."  
  
"Should we call the police? It has been so long and he has not even made a call to us."  
  
"There's no need for that. I'm sure he's perfectly well."  
  
Shiori was fine over the month, and Karasu was unexpectedly peaceful, except occasionally provoking me, which I felt that I would disgrace myself to jus try to comprehend what he was saying. Yet there was something strange. Judging from Karasu's character, I should be worse than dead now, considering that he had kissed me in the first week. I could see the lust shining in his eyes growing stronger day by day, and he was suppressing it, but why?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I sat on the bed, staring at the open window, and suddenly, my emotions threatened to break free again. No, the window brought back too many memories. I shifted my gaze to the floor. Surely that would be safe enough. No, you had slept at the exact same spot before. The towel? No, you used that to wipe my blood. The bed? No, I kissed you there. Why? Why was everything tinted with memories of you? Why could I not forget? Why did you bring so much torture? WHY COULDN'T I FORGET?!  
  
I smashed the pillow against the wall, I wanted to destroy everything, to let out my frustration. Your voice kept ringing in my ears, your shadows dancing in front of my eyes. I blocked my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, but unable to shut you away from my heart. I collapsed onto the messy comforter and cried myself to sleep, once again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Dream)  
  
A field of flowers opened in front of my eyes, lilies, daisies, daffodils, and lavenders, all of them so full of life, so joyful, so innocent. Innocence, something that I had not seen for a long time, and I almost forgot how it looked like. In comparison, my rose was so much more brilliant, seductive and deadly, a reflection of myself. The sweet scent of the combined blooming flowers traveled up my nose, letting me acknowledge a pure smell that never came across my way before. In comparison, my rose had a smell so much more intoxicating, addictive and tainted with blood.  
  
The sky was of azure blue, a setting sun coloured the puffy clouds pink. The dazzling hues met each other in the horizon so far away. All was silent, a peaceful sound that eased the tension I felt all the time now. A breeze blew by, moving the blossoms like gentle lapping waves, washing me over with multicoloured petals. I sat down, careful not to crush any glorious bud, and started to enjoy the serenity.  
  
A peal of laughter, like the jingling of tiny silver bells, so jovial, drifted into my ears. A little girl, about ten years old, was winding her way through the field, towards me. She had long wavy purple hair and matching violet eyes that glinted merrily whenever she laughed. Her complexion was fair, almost a little translucent with a shade of baby pink.  
  
"Hi, I'm Murasaki. What's your name?" she asked and her voice rang out clear and sweet, like the singing of the nightingales. It resounded throughout the boundless land.  
  
"Kurama," I replied and attempted to smile without much success.  
  
"What's troubling you? Although I can only grant you once wish after you die, but maybe I can help," she stated and her bright purple irises sparkled even more. No wonder her name was Murasaki (Japanese for purple). Looks like I had found the head master of what Koenma referred to as dangerously powerful and mysterious dimension.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Well then, I'll tell you more about myself. As you have already felt, I am a soul and I died a long time ago. When I was alive, I was just a kid who hoped nothing more than to have her beloved ones happy and healthy, and that I could bring joy to as many people around me as I could. I wanted all the people in the world to be happy."  
  
"But good times didn't last long. The war began, and I saw friends and families getting killed everyday. Pain, fear and horror painted their faces as thy struggled in the last few minutes of their lives. I was hurt just in watching them, yet the murderers laughed. Laughter is supposed to show that you are happy, so should I be delighted for them as they had found their happiness?"  
  
"Later I was held prisoner, and I saw those murderers writing letters to their families in their hometown wearing grievous expressions on their faces. What was the point of doing things when it brought neither you nor the other party bliss? Suddenly, I saw that people are just looking for happiness their whole life, and some never found it before they die. The world is filled with sorrow that nothing else could be found in it anymore; the world is so filled with ugliness that I could not bear to face it anymore. Thus let death be beautiful, may it smooth all the wounds; may it fill up the emptiness in your heart."  
  
"I wan t all the people in the world to be happy, I want them to feel satisfied, I want them to find solace in death, so after I died, I collected more and more power and now I could grant one wish to the dead. Do you have anything to wish for?"  
  
She had seen too much, and so misplaces the positions of life and death. But there was no use telling her now. She was innocent, and remained so even through the war, but her naivety led her to misjudge the human character.  
  
"So you are saying that people should die to make their drams come true?" I asked.  
  
"No, it's just when you know that no matter how hard you fight for your dreams, they would never be fulfilled; when it becomes crystal clear to you that the thing you want is totally beyond your reach."  
  
Totally beyond my reach? When had I, the great Youko Kurama who would stop at nothing and use every method possible to get what I want, had things beyond my reach? When I was first born as Minnamoin Shuuichi, when I first met Hiei. Those were when I realized that I could never be a perfect son to Shiori, and that Hiei would never full by mine. My true identity caused Shiori to be in peril, and I used to think that even though I was not like a normal son, at least I could use my powers to protect her. Now I had harmed her instead. I felt useless, and I would do anything to save her. Did that include death? Definitely. Anyway there was no one in the three worlds who could be really affected for life by my death. Hiei was gone, so was my last reason to hold on.  
  
"What is the sole purpose of you being alive?" Murasaki asked, breaking my thoughts.  
  
"To protect the people most precious to me," I replied without giving a second thought.  
  
"But is that possible of you are alive? The people whom you treasure must also cherish you, and you will even hurt yourself to protect them, and so will they. Every step you take is like throwing a pebble into the lake, the ripples spread and eventually, it hits them, and they do the thing you dread most, getting wounded trying to shield you. You push them away from danger, but they rush right back because you are there. It repeats in a never-ending circle. That is why loving someone is always painful."  
  
"So you are suggesting that I should choose death to really stop hurting them?"  
  
"Everything is up to you, but I just want you to be happy. I want everyone to be happy." She beamed to me and her eyes glittered, and soon her whole body followed. The background was fading off, and her image dissipated, broken down into tiny grains of light that shone one last time before leaving me in the abyss.  
  
(End of dream)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I stared at the wall, Murasaki's voice still echoing in my mind. It was all so vivid, but covered with a veil of unreality. I felt my cheeks and found the tear stains till wet on them. My eyes were puffy and tired, screaming to get some rest, which I wanted to, but was unable to give. I was desperate for fresh air.  
  
Jumping out though the window, I started running without a destination, just earning to let the rushing wind blow away y pain. Freedom seemed to be there, and I could go whichever direction I wanted, but actually I was trapped in an invisible circle.  
  
I stopped suddenly, my hair washed over my face by the abrupt movement. There was no point running anymore. There was no pint in doing anything anymore. I realized that I was on the mountain where Shizuru killed herself. At least I understood how she felt then. Indeed, death seemed to be a much better, much easier choice.  
  
I sat down and pulled out a seed from my hair, watching it grow into arose as I pumped my youki into it. The moonbeams were cast onto its petals, giving it a rich texture, seducing you to touch it. I had seen too many roses in my life but what captivated me the most were the thorns, not the flower.  
  
The thorns, so sharp, but not brittle; so deadly but so beautiful as the silver light shone onto it, showing off its full volume, ran my finger on the tip, with the weight of a feather, and before I could even feel it, a thin line appeared and a drop of bright crimson blood oozed out. Perfect. I wonder what it felt like to have the thorns buried in my flesh, just like what I always did to my opponents. Why not try it? I lifted my wrist and inched the stem towards it.  
  
"What do you think you are doing, Kurama?" the voice I longed so much to hear rang out from behind me. 


	14. A Black Tear Gem A Red Tear Gem Part I

I break this chapter into two parts because it is longer and if you want to read this chapter as a whole, you will have to wait for another week, so to not torture the readers, I'll break it up. WARNING: this chapter is rated R (but I think most of you could accept that. It's not really very lemon.)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 14: A Black Tear Gem; A Red Tear Gem  
  
I want everything of me To be tinted with the essence of you My worries, my fears, my love And even my tears  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
I watched as Kurama gracefully stood up and turned to face me. He was still as beautiful as ever, but his face was void of any emotions; his forest green eyes were impenetrable, no signs of his usual kindness, yet no signs of coldness also, just empty.  
  
I know that I should not be there; I should not be anywhere that he could spot me. I was not doing it because I wanted to protect Shiori. I did not want Kurama to be hurt by her death. I promise myself that I would just be following him I n a distance, but what was I to do just now? I couldn't possibly just stand and stare as he plant the rose into his bloodstream and die, could I? I must leave, and leave right now, before he could get too close, before I could not move. But he was already.  
  
What was I to do? We were only a couple of feet apart now, and my accumulated desire over the month was breaking free, urging me to hold him tight, to taste him once more. BUT I COULD NOT!! My mind was having a battle, trying to sort out what I should do, but only managed to tear all my ideas to shreds. WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I.  
  
SLAP!!  
  
My face was hit, yet I felt no pain. My conflicting thoughts were all driven away, leaving my mind as blank as paper. It felt nice, to finally be able to look into his eyes without caring that someone was going to hurt him; without worrying about what I should do to defend him, and see him as he was. For that spilt second, nothing mattered anymore. No family, no friends, no enemies, not relation, no society. Nothing existed except his warm breath against my cheek as he nuzzled my gently.  
  
"Why can't I b e angry with you, Hiei? Why did you leave? Why did you lie to me?" he whispered in my ear, his voice barely above the pounding of our hearts. The twinge of sorrow in his tone cut into my soul, reminding me of what I should do.  
  
I pushed him away.  
  
"Don't touch me. Stay away from me, youko," I threatened and kept my face as blank as his. I turned and sped in another direction, using my ultimate speed. Maybe if I did things faster, they would not hurt so much. I came to a halt once I caught a glimpse of red in the corner of my eyes and knew that Kurama was already in form of me, blocking my escape.  
  
"Why?" his irises flashed dangerously and a hint of coldness stood out in his voice.  
  
"If you don't want Shiori to die, then get out of my way!"  
  
Silence. He did not move, nor I. I sensed Kurama giving off a tiny trace if youki, as if to enchant something. Vines shot up from he ground and I none rapid movement, my wrists and ankles were bound together, and numerous vines tightened themselves around my arms, shoulders and waist. I glared at Kuraam, only to face that emotionless expression again.  
  
"What are you doing, youko?" I hissed and attempted to free myself, only to cause the plants to squeeze tighter.  
  
"I won't ever let you get away again," he said and lifted me up.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I shouted but to no avail. My head rested against his chest and the pounding sound of his heart seemed like music, and the warmth I felt from him was too comforting. So comforting that all my determination and courage to push him away vapourized. Why did he have this effect on me?  
  
He started running, so fast that I began to doubt if my speed was able to match his. The surrounding became a mixed variety of colours, and the next thing I know, my back hit something soft as I was thrown down. It was Kurama's bed. He loosened the vines that bound me, but straddled his legs around my torso, making it impossible for me to move away.  
  
After that, he just lay completely on top of me and buried his head in the curve if my neck. The familiar smell of roses filled my senses, and suddenly, I realized that I could never leave him again, the cozy heat that spread slowly throughout my whole body, the feeling that you wanted time to sop there and then, was that. love?  
  
Kurama moved, and lifted himself to face me. His mask was gone, and his emerald orbs sparkled brighter than ever, the tears that welled in his eyes made him look even more angelic, so radiant that he almost looked unreal. A drop of his tear landed on my cheek, if was cool, but it made me feel hot, as a wave of something washed over me. Was that. love?  
  
"Do you know how I felt when you left me? " his voice was choked up with sadness, and more moisture landed on my face. " I was left to think that you despised me, and tried desperately to forget you, only to find myself crying my heart out. I know now that you left to protect me from Karasu, but why didn't you tell."  
  
"Do you know how I felt," I raised my voice and cut him short, his eyes widened at my outburst, " when I had to leave you? When I had to tear both our heats to pieces to protect you, when I had to watch in the darkness as you torment yourself?" my emotions were surging, driven by something. Was that. love?  
  
Unexpectedly, he smiled. It was not the smile he gave to Yusuke or anyone else, but one filled happiness and mixed with the hardships he went through to get it. "Looks like we are even, then," he leaned down until his nose touched mine, "but it's all fine now, as long as you are back, and won't leave again. Never ag." I did not let him finish his sentence. I slipped my tongue into his inviting mouth as he opened it to gasp for air. I pressed him close to me and moved my hands down his back; I pressed him tightly against me until there were no gaps between us anymore.  
  
I missed his taste, his scent, his warmth, his caress, the feeling of his silky hair slipping through my fingers as I ran my hand through it and everything else about him. I could never get enough of those.  
  
I broke the kiss to catch my breath. His face was flushed; his eyes still had the yet to dry tears; his irises were half blocked by this thick lashes; his lips parted slightly, swollen and luscious from the kiss and his chest heaved up and down below me. Heat shot thought me, making me throw away all my rationality, urging me to go on, to touch him.  
  
"Hiei." the kitsune murmured, as if pleading me to continue. Just his voice sent another wave of arousal through me.  
  
He let out a surprised yelp as I suddenly dipped down and started ravishing his neck, gently at first but soon nipping and drawing blood. A red mark formed, just like the one that had disappeared. I wanted him to be all mine, to let the world see that he was mine, and thus stay away form him. He was mine.  
  
I continued the hot and moist trail down to his collarbone, but was clocked from going further by and annoying piece of fabric. My fingers worked on eh buttons, but after a few unsuccessful attempts, I ripped the buttons straight off. The material slide off him, revealing his well-toned chest.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
"Hiei, if you are going to destroy all my clothes like that, then." but the sentence was lost in my throat as Hiei teased one of my nipples, sucking slightly and biting a little. A moan escaped my lips as a rush of adrenaline sped through my body and gathered between my thighs. My heartbeat was racing, my breathing was escalated, the heat in me was unbearable, and the throbbing against my pants was getting painful, restrained by the thick cloth.  
  
He dropped butterfly kisses down to my stomach, and licked my navel. It was too near to my erection that I let out an excited scream. The teasing were almost too much to take.  
  
"Do you want me to stop, kitsune?" Hiei asked, his ruby irises burning into mine, a hint to concern and hesitance was in his voice. "I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before. I've never felt like this before." A flicker of forlornness flashed in his eyes. No, I could not let him wallow in the shadows of his past now.  
  
I sat up a little and planted a steamy kiss on his lips. "Do you think I want you to stop?" I slid my arms under his cloak, feeling his skin underneath. Soon, the piece of clothing was in heap beside my discarded shirt. The moonlight shone onto his pale skin, empathizing every lithe curve of his muscles.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be continued~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	15. A Black Tear Gem A Red Tear Gem Part II

Thanks for all the support, and sorry for the abrupt cutoff last time. I couldn't write fast enough. A bit busy last week. Hope you enjoy this chapter, cause I really spent lots of time thinking, and I myself love this chapter.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
I took him in my arms and felt our hearts pounding fast, but in unison. He lapped gently the spot where he marked me.  
  
"Why do you like to mark me so much?" I mumbled as I nibbled his earlobe.  
  
"Because I want you to be mine. An impossible hope, isn't it?" he said and chuckled bitterly.  
  
"I know that I have a place in your heart, but Yukina will still be holding the biggest portion. I like her, but I can't help feeling jealous. I want your heart to be totally mine, I want nobody to be in it but me, but that will never be true."  
  
"Shiori will still be holding the biggest portion in your heart. I like her, but I can't help feeling jealous. I want your heart to be totally mine, I want nobody to be in it but me, but that will never be true."  
  
"I used to think that my heart was full; nothing could ever squeeze in anymore ."  
  
"Until I met you, and in that instant ."  
  
"Your shadow danced in every part of my heart. Everything else seemed insignificant ."  
  
"My sole purpose of living was changed. I want to protect you, and yet ."  
  
"I am scared, I am worried; I am afraid, I am lonely; I am selfish, I am jealous. I am torn ."  
  
"Between love, duty, kinship, friendship. Nothing is mine anymore, but I am willing ."  
  
"To exchange my whole soul for only a piece of your heart. Let me have you, just for tonight, let me have all of you ."  
  
"Don't think about anything else, don't look anywhere else ."  
  
"Only you and I exist now."  
  
I kissed him on the forehead, through the white cloth covering his jagan, which was soon removed, next, on his cheeks, his nose, his lips. It was not like just now, when we were blinded by our built up desire. Now, it was soft and gradual, slowly savouring each sensation I felt, letting each movement linger in my senses, letting each contact to be imprinted deep in my mind.  
  
We had never said "I love you" to each other, but . did it matter? Love does not lonely can be shown through words. The feeling that I had, I know you could understand. No words were spoken, yet we shared every morsel of pain, of joy, without holding back. No pretending, no deceiving, I want to face you as whom I really was.  
  
Just for tonight, and when the sun rises, everything would evaporate. No, it was not what I wanted. It was too short a time. Stay with me, please, not just tonight. I yearn for a lifetime.  
  
My silent pleas vibrated through my mind, but I found no courage to voice my selfish needs. Tears sprang to my eyes, gliding down my face. I did not wail; I did not sob, as tears poured down quietly, just like my silenced hopes. A round, black tear gem fell onto the pillow beside me, and a drop of tear splashed on to me, mingled with my own fluids and plopped down as another gem.  
  
No, we only had this few hours, why waste it on crying? I want to make moments spent with you memorable.  
  
I captured his mouth and explored ravenously, our tongues battling for dominance and my hands swiftly unbuckled his tight belts, wanting nothing to stand in our way. We picked up our speed and soon shed the unnecessary materials. His weight was partly on me, and he moved lower and lower, using my bended knee as support.  
  
He suddenly started anew from the sensitive spot behind my knee, trailing his feverish lips down the inside of my thigh. The ticklish feeling sent a thrill through me, heat pouring out form every pore of my body. He changed direction again, centimeters away from my erection, purposely avoiding the spot, building up my excitement, and wearing away my patience.  
  
I gave a soft groan, but was covered when Hiei brought another kiss. I circled my arms around his waist, bringing him onto me, and his hardening erection brushed against mine, sending my mind reeling. I let out a muffled moan into his hair and thrust my hips upward, wanting him to take me in.  
  
"Hiei . pleas . stop teasing me . I need ." I could not hold it much longer. I needed release. My vision was blurred with tears and passion, but I could make out his ivory complexion glowing softly in the dim light, glistening with sweat.  
  
"Shh . Just wait a little longer, kitsune. Very soon," and he ran his tongue over my lips, along my jaw line and behind my ear. His hands roamed over my body, gradually getting faster and more intense, mixing everything together, our bodies, our sweat, our tears and our memories. Nothing was hidden anymore.  
  
He carefully raised and draped my leg over his shoulder. I sought for his hand, and our fingers intertwined. Giving me a reassuring grip, he thrust himself into me. We were one. For that moment, I seemed to relive through Hiei's past, seeing the cruel world through his eyes, knowing every turn in emotion he never showed, knowing his hatred for the koorime, his hopelessness in the world dyed with blood, his protectiveness towards Yukina, and . his love for me.  
  
The moment passed like magic, shimmering and blinding with true happiness. It started fading, seeping through my fingers like fine sand, but I made no attempt to retain it. I was content. I had reached what I was chasing for all my life and I was fortunate enough to feel it. Nothing could remain for eternity, so I never dreamed about it. I just wanted for live for that moment.  
  
The light dissipated, and the surroundings were back to my room. We lay in each other's arms, exhausted. Hiei tightened his hold around my waist possessively and tucked his head comfortably under my chin. I felt him tremble.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked and planted a kiss in his hair.  
  
"Do you want to hear a story?"  
  
"I will listen to everything you say. Somehow each word that comes out of your lips is permanently embedded in my mind. Some of them sting ad hurt, until I find the true meaning to them. They are always bittersweet."  
  
"This will probably be the longest speech I've ever made."  
  
"Then I'm honoured to hear it," I was amused and bemused at the same time.  
  
"A long time ago, a boy was born and thrown into the darkness immediately. Abandoned by the people who should be giving him love, leaving him to rot. But he survived, living off hate and revenge, his heat completely sealed. He never tried to get out of the darkness; he hated light, the thing that reveals you, making you feel vulnerable in front of all the people, who gave you nothing but more vengeance. Thus, he sank deeper and deeper into the abyss." The chill in his voice made me hung on to him involuntarily.  
  
"Time passed, and he became strong, killing for the sole purpose of survival, and surviving just for the sake of it. He covered up his emotions and built barriers around his heat, wanting nobody to get near him, yet at the same time, yelling out on the top of his lungs in his mind, hoping that someone would notice. He kept himself drenched in the cold, yet longing desperately for a pair of warm hands to pick him up, tell him why he was born, that someone needed him, and the reason for him to go on living."  
  
"One day, someone ventured to where the boy was hidden. That person was warm, but most of all, he could love. Sparing the boy a portion of his love, the solid walls around the boy crumbled. The boy was confused, but he knew one thing. He never would let of the feeling he had in his heart now, the feeling that made everything glow, the feeling that once he thought of that person, everything seemed to be so beautiful. He could finally love, and was being loved."  
  
"Soon, the person was drawn back into the light. As much as the boy detested light, he couldn't help but follow the person. He couldn't bear to be alone anymore. Yes, he turned weak, but he didn't care, as long as he could be with the one he love."  
  
"That person promised to never leave again, but he broke it. He died. The boy was hurt beyond measure, no matter how he shouted, how he cried, it couldn't bring the person back. Thus, he turned into a shadow, the shadow of the dead."  
  
A warm streak of moisture trickled across my chest, almost slicing through my heat. Hiei buried himself deeper into my embrace, seeking and bringing warmth, but his words clung to my mind, along with the fear they contained.  
  
"Is that what you are . afraid of?" I asked before my voice shocked up and tears began to well up in my eyes. I sensed a slight nodding movement. "Then I promise I would ."  
  
Hiei suddenly struggled out of my arms and looked at me straight in the eyes, the last of his tears fell aside as gems, as the fire was rekindled in him again. The forcefulness in his tone when he spoke again startled me.  
  
"No, don't make any empty promises, Kurama. I don't want that. Nobody knows what will happen, so never confine yourself to me, into the awkward circle of darkness I belong to. Don't ever die for love; don't ever die for anything. I just want to see you alive, to be able to fight; continue living is the only chance to fulfill your dreams, not death. Then I will be content."  
  
I stared at him, speechless. His expressions softened, and he placed a gentle kiss on my lips. " Don't worry about it now, kitsune. The sun will rise soon, and as our time stops, a new time begins. Believe, and our chance will come again."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The morning light pried through the windows and pricked my skin, pulling me into consciousness. I felt the muscular arms circling my waist and the hot breath against the back of my neck. His presence filled the whole room, enveloping me in sheer bliss.  
  
Something round and hard pressed against my hand, and I picked it up. The brilliant crimson gem that lay in my hand looked almost like blood. Lifting it to the morning sunshine, I saw the center of the gem was hollow, filled with liquid that contorted the light which penetrated it, casting a bright vermilion hue onto my palm. Beneath the cool scarlet surface of the jewel hid a metallic shade of black. It was a tear gem, no doubt, but it was as if our love, and not tears created this gem. Something that contained both of us, impossible to separate.  
  
"Are you musing about this, kitsune?" Hiei's husky voice tickled my ear, and I turned to see him holding the exact same tear gem that I was fondling in my fingers. I snuggled up against him, making use of the last few minutes of our time.  
  
"Do you want to keep one of there?" I asked and ran my fingers down his side, enjoying the tremor of his body upon my touch.  
  
"No, it's yours. Everything that's mine belongs to you." 


	16. The End of the Begining The Beginning of...

When things go to a point of desperation, death may be the easiest way out, but only in a point of desperation. 

(P.S. Shiori is Kurama's mother in case you have forgotten)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 15: The End of the Beginning; The Beginning of the End 

A moment of peace,

A moment of happiness

All a prelude to the beginning of the end,

As the end of the beginning comes to a conclusion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shiori's POV

            "Shuuichi, are you there?" I asked as I knocked softly on his door. It was 9.30 in the morning, and I had just waked up at 9 a.m. I had been waking up at 9 a.m. for the past month or so, and that was when Shuuichi started acing a little weird, and soon Hiei disappeared. I had an odd suspicion that all there were related.

            A light shuffling of feet was heard as he came to open the door. His eyes were a bit red, not that it was strange. He had been appearing like that ever since Hiei left, but today, his forest green irises were particularly sparking. 

            "Good morning, Kaasan," he greeted, smiling. It was not that bitter, pretended smile anymore.

            "Shuuichi, I need to talk to you." I said and saw his expressions changing from a little surprised, a flicker of guilt, and then settled down to calm and forced willingness. The former bright and cheerful atmosphere vanished at once, which made me regret my words. "You are keeping something from me, something important," I continued, "and it had to do with me, right?"

            "What do you mean? I don't understand. Why do you say that?" he tried to laugh, but failed terribly.

            "The way you look at me, just for a few seconds on some occasions, is so filled with inferiority and hatred that it scares me, as if I am your enemy. It started a month ago, and I want to, and I believe I'm entitled to know what has happened."

            He hesitated, frowned, stuck between his own thoughts. "It is best not for you to know," he said finally, "it's … dangerous."

            "I am not afraid of danger as long as it is for the ones I love." He did not have much choice, and I know him well enough to say that he did not have the heart to lie to me. He made up his mind. He let out an exasperated sign, and smiled wearily. "I guess I can't escape from it forever, can I? This will be the best way I can tell you the truth, so don't make me elaborate."

            "I am a youko from another world, and I came here eighteen years ago to escape from hunters. I infused my soul with the one of the yet to born Minnamino Shuuichi, and here I am now. I have many enemies, and one of whom I killed came back to seek revenge in the form of a spirit. He made a poison and was injected into you. The only cure is to let him possess your body 12 hours a day from 9 p.m. to 9 a.m. I had only to agree. If not, you will die." He still wore that weary smile, tired of everything. 

            "So you see, all my life it has been a huge lie. The lies about going for a camping trip when actually I was in Makai, shedding blood of others, hearing them scream using their last breath of air. The lies about Hiei being a relative, a friend, a human being even. The perfect son you and others see is nothing but a shell, a mask. I can never appear as who I really am, or else the world around me shatters. Everything about me is false, a straight As student, an amiable teenager, a filial son … I am never you son, and never will be."

            "No, you are my son," I said rather firmly, "no matter who you are, what your real name is, what you really looks like, you are my son. The person who stayed by me when my husband died, who is the only moral support that kept me afloat through my difficult times, these are the things that make you my son, not the blood, not the appearance. Even if you live in a lie, even if you are confused about who you are, just remember this. You are my son." He stared at me, but finally a smile spread over his features.

            "Yes, I'll remember that, Kaasa. My Okaasan."

            "Shuuichi, I want to break the curse that has been put on you."

            "But it's impossible. The poison has no cure, and can only be postponed from activating by letting him possess you," he hurried through the speech and looked onto the ground. There was another way; only he did not want to put me through it.

            "There is another way. It is my death, isn't it?" Silence. "Shuuichi, I'm sure you know a way to destroy this soul in me, only that you are afraid of me dieing. Do what you have to do; as long as I died with a purpose, al song as I die knowing that my most precious possession is safe, I will die in peace. Isn't this what everyone is trying to get their whole life? If you can't bear to kill me, then I will do it myself." With this, his head jolted up and faced me with startled and fearful eyes.

            "I know it's hard for you, but think of it as a favour for me. I don't want to be your burden. I'd rather be dead and peaceful rather than alive but not knowing who I will become and what I would do to you everyday after 9 p.m. I can't take that mental torture. Help me and help yourself, Shuuichi. Seeing you hurt is the last thing I want."

            "Are you not scared of death, intimidated by its power? Are you really willing to sacrifice so much for your 'son'? I can't let you do this or I would feel guilty for the rest of my life."

            "I will do anything for you, and in comparison, death is so much easier, and as I already said, I will do it myself if you won't.  
  


            "Fine. Come to me room at 8.45 p.m., any day when you are ready," he said finally, defeated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            I knocked softly on Shuuichi's door, and the first time I did that seemed like an eternity away, but it just happened this morning. All of a sudden, I became aware of all the clocks in the house, their different pitches ticking in perfect unison, forming a distraught chord. 

            "Kaasan, I didn't expect you to decided so soon," he smiled sadly as he let me in.

            "I had decided the moment I finished hearing your story. Help me take good care of Kazuya and Shuu-chan."

            After that, we just sat in muted silence, waiting for the time of fate to come. The chorus of the clocks was growing louder, drowning out all other sounds. I counted to the 799th tick of the hands, and everything went dark as the 800th tick rang out.

            The darkness was pulling me, urging me to take a rest. No! I must fight; I must regain control. I opened my eyes, and all I saw was a blur of colours, and among them was a pair of glinting red orbs hiding in a distance. The colours were fading, but I quickly blinked and the picture came into focus a little more. Heat shot through me, but was replaced by freezing cold a millisecond later, they kept changing back and forth. The nausea in my stomach was prompting me to vomit, and a convulsion broke out.

            "Give up, woman, you can never win against me. Might as will let me out and I'll stop the torture." An icy voice was heard in my mind, overpowering the sudden changes of temperature and sent my heart gripping in fear.

            "LET ME OUT!" the voice became more commanding, urgent with a twinge of fear. It was working.

            I numbly felt that someone took hold of my hand, and slowly, a warm current traveled from my palm to every part of my body, fighting against that extreme cold and heat in me. Abruptly, all the sensations went away, the warmth lingering a few seconds more before leaving my body. I used all my efforts and opened my eyes, and saw the gentle eyes of Shuuichi filled with despair and burning with the want of revenge. Behind him was the emotionless face of Hiei. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiei's POV

            A powerful blast of youki hit me from behind as I walked idly through a forest, bring with it anxiety and countless other feelings all mixed up together. I started speeding towards where the youki was emitted. It was Kurama; he was calling me.

            I jumped in through the window, and beheld the most unexpected sight. Shiori was lying on the ground with her arms around herself, shaking uncontrollably. She was biting her lips so hard that it bled and sweat was pouring down her forehead; she was in pain. Yet Kurama was only kneeling beside her, his head bowed so low that it was impossible to see his eyes, his long hair shadowing almost all the visible parts of his face. He was not helping at all; he never even attempted to touch her.

            "Hiei, summon your Kokuryhua. Kill Karasu." The calmness and curtness in his voice surprised me, but his command shocked me even more. The time had finally came when we had to do the dreaded, the inevitable. 

            I did as told, ripping off the bandage on my right arm. The heat in the room rose immediately, sparks cracking in the air, caused by the intense tension and electricity present. I gathered all my youki onto my arm, and felt the dragon fighting to be released. Fro the first time, I was in command; I held it back and concentrated, slowly molding the solid appearance of the dragon into something vague, a mere silhouette of what it was before. It was ready; I was ready.

            Taking hold of one of Shiori's hands now lying limp beside her, I placed my right hand a few inches away form her palm and gradually let go. I saw through my jagan the form of the Kokuryhua, now only a thin wisp of black mist, traveling into her body. Karasu was now only a soul with almost no youki, ad he could only survive till now by possessing one body after another. To think that we were haunted by suck a creature. I drove the dragon forwards and swallowed Karasu in one gulp.

            Shiori opened her eyes, and Kurama quickly bent over her and took hold of her hands. She smiled.

            "Shuuichi … is it … over?"

            "Yes, Kaasan. It's over. Everything is over. It's all fine now." Kurama was still so calm, and his voice did not even shake, so calm that it was frightening, so still that it was unnatural.

            "Shuuichi … don't ever … feel … bad about … my death." Her breath was getting irregular, her irises getting clouded.

            "Hiei … you are … back." She averted her gaze onto me. Why was she looking at me? She was dying; she should be spending her last time with 'Shuuichi'. Why was she wasting her time on me? I did not deserve it.

            "Thank you … for coming back." Why was she thanking me? Why was she still looking at me? "Turn your eyes back to Kurama," I wanted to shout to her, " there is no time now! I don't deserve something so precious! I DON'T DESERVE IT!" I did not deserve it … I was the Forbidden Child, whose mother never held him before, never loved him before. So why was I getting that special feeling form someone who barely knew me, who had no blood relations with me at all? I didn't know how to receive it, where to put it.

            "Hiei, you deserve … love, and you are loved, even if … you deny … you don't notice. Shuuichi, Hiei … take care of each other. Remember that you are … responsible to the love you receive … and the person who gives it … to you." She lightly withdrew her right hand from Kurama and held it out to me. I had no choice but to take it, no, I wanted to take it. Her cold hand was even chillier than mine, but somehow I felt warm taking it. It was like when I heard my mother screaming to stop them from abandoning me.

            "Hn. Thanks …   for everything, for making Kurama who he is today."

            "No, thank you … for making him whole." Finally, she turned back to Kurama.

            "I'm tired … it's time for me … to take a rest. Shuuichi, be a good boy … be quiet … don't wake me up … I might even have a wonderful dream … a dream even more beautiful … than this one. Be a good boy … don't' make noise. You have always … been a good boy, Shuuichi. My little boy … Shuuichi." She smiled, jsu5t like she always did. She closed her eyes, as if really going to sleep.

            Her fingers tightened around my hand, and reluctantly let go, falling limp and slipping out of my grasp. Her irregular breathing came to a peaceful stop; her tiredly pumping heart came to a gentle halt. The blood frozen on their journey in the vessels; the air trapped on their way out. Nothing moved. Suddenly, I heard, or rather felt something snap.

            The warmth I had just grown accustomed to, which I had just understood a tiny fraction of, was drawn away from me once more, like all my other possessions I once had. I was refilled with the usual deep darkness and cold.

            It was unfair. The moment I experienced something that truly touches me, I was stripped of it the next second. It had always been like that, all my powers never served to keep them back. That was why I stayed away, to prevent b4eing hurt again; that's why I put barriers around my heart, to prevent myself form crossing it and present the real me, only to be injured the second time. Life was unfair.

            Kurama's face was still hidden from me, as he brushed pass me and lay unconscious on top of Shiori's now dead body.

            Only then did I realize how exhausted I was, physically and emotionally. My youki was all drained because of the Kokuryhua, and the new wounds that lay in my heart now added to the fatigue.

            I gathered up the last of my strengths and carried Kurama onto his bed. I could hardly keep my eyes open, my legs from failing under me. Watching the pale and unconscious visage of the kitsune, I fell onto the ground and all was covered up the darkness even before my head hit the carpet.


	17. Losing Your Mind Losing Your Heart

The story is not over yet. Although Karasu might to died, but there's more to come.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 16: Losing Your Mind; Losing Your Heart  
  
Hiei's POV  
  
The silence around me was too intense, so quiet that I could not even hear myself breathing, making me doubt if I was still alive. There is but one fine line between life and death, and it was constantly smeared across with dust that it became blurry; it became vague. So unclear that you might have crossed it with noticing it; so indefinite that in one second, life could switch to death and vice versa.  
  
The silence was like a huge blanket covering me, engulfing me in emptiness, trying to coax me into the sleep. I tried to obey, but a strong surge of worry was stimulated by the silence. I pressed it down, yet if always resurfaced, overtaking everything else and pushed my eyelids open. The darkness went away, but not the suffocating stillness and quietness.  
  
Something was missing. I would not feel Kurama. But he was right there, kneeling once again by the dead body. Yet I could not sense his presence. His eyes were dull, to an extend that they seemed almost black. He just stared, not even blinking, not even breathing loud enough to break the dead silence, his heart not even pounding vigorous enough to let me be sure he was still alive. The rosy colour had been completely driven off his face, leaving grim paler than the dead. No, he was not the Kurama I knew.  
  
"Kurama . . ." No response. I tried again. " Kurama, we need to report this to Koenma."  
  
His head turned ever so slightly towards me, and I saw a flash of gold dart across his emotionless eyes, " Yes, Koenma. I have things to talk to him about." He rose, slowly but more elegant than ever. He was keenly aware of his every motion, keeping them to perfection so that it masked everything, every turbulence he felt but did not show. If he continued bottling up his emotions, he would burst.  
  
"Kurama, cry, as much as you want, then return to your normal self." He smirked.  
  
"What are you talking about, Hiei? Crying and returning to my normal self? This is my normal self, and crying will only make me give in to my weaker self. Isn't this what you've always agreed to? Now lets call a meeting, at Genkai's. I believe Koenma is already there."  
  
Who was he? Where was the Kurama I knew?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We walked to Genkai's temple without exchanging one word. He was emitting an aura that made me felt uneasy once I stepped near him. But I needed to be by his side; I wanted to be by his side, not matter what he had become.  
  
Everyone was there, even the girls. I saw Yukian looking at Kurama worriedly, then glancing at me in question. I avoided her gaze, only to find all the other pairs of eyes gathered on us.  
  
"How did all that happen?" Koenma startedin a business-like manner, "Give me all the—  
  
"Koenma, what is this mission for?" Kurama cut him off and asked icily, without even lifting his eyes off the ground.  
  
"You should know that by now. It is to protect all the three worlds from people's selfish, unrealistic wishes."  
  
"When you say protect, who do you mean? The human and youkai who kill without blinking, the monsters, the despicable?"  
  
Koenma was obviously baffled by the question, but answered, "To protect the people most important to you."  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! Kurama yelled and the gold returned fully to his furious irises, his youki pouring out uncontrolled. "The person I want to protect, whom I love, died because of this stupid mission. Now you are saying that the mission is to protect? What kind of protection if it, when I had to watch, helpless, as Shiori died so that thousands of others who don't even deserve a life may live. Yes, people just like all of you, it isn't right; it isn't fair. GIVE MY MOTHER BACK TO ME!"  
  
he didn't cry as he shouted that, nor did any glint of grief tint his now bright golden eyes. They burned with nothing but loathe. He did not turn into his youko form, which meant that it was not the youko instincts that made him so. He had lost himself in the sea of sadness, but unwilling to give in, thus turning it into raging fury that blinded everything else.  
  
"Hey, Kurama, calm down. This isn't like you." Yusuke said as if Kurama would smile back any moment, his irises green and tranquil, telling us, telling me that everything was fine. But it wasn't going to happen.  
  
"I'm as clam as I could be after witnessing my mother being murdered. Do you want to know how I feel, Yusuke?" he asked with an icy smirk. "Maybe I could help you," with that, an extremely strong just of youki blew us off your feet and monstrous plants sprouted out of nowhere, cracking the tiles on the ground and tuned to capture us with their thick, thorny stems.  
  
Yukina, Botan, Keiko and Koenma were soon held captive. The sharp thorns dug into Yukina's limbs, dyeing her azure kimono crimson. She bit her lip to prevent from screaming in pain, her eyes pleading me to save her, to save Kurama. I slashed frantically at the plants that stood in my way, only to prompt their growth. All these the youko watched in silent satisfaction.  
  
"Kuso! Kurama, are you out of your mind?! GET THIS THING OFF ME!!" I heard Yusuke shout in agony, and just that one distraction was enough to make me miss warding off one attack, and soon I was immobile, the deadly thorns pressed against and into my flesh.  
  
"Now, whom should I begin with?" Kurama asked and smiled eerily, striding past each one of us, now all bound by the plants. When he stopped in front of me, I noticed a slight bulge in his shirt pocket. What could he possibly put in there that kept him company all through Shiori's death? I didn't get much time to think, as he leveled his face with mine, and captured my mouth in a soft and gradual kiss. It was his scent, his warmth, his taste, and his movements; had he really changed?  
  
"I'll come back to you, Hiei, once everything's over," he looked at me straight in the eye with his forest green orbs, but a second later, they switched to golden again. No, when everything was over, it would be too late.  
  
"How about with the person who planned this mission, who caused all of these to befall on us? What do you think, Koenam?" the prince paled as the youko inched nearer to him, his calm and serious façade now mingled with fear.  
  
"Kurama, you are looking for revenge on the wrong people," said Koenma shakily but determinedly, "Who enabled Karasu to come back as a soul? If you want to avenge for your mother, then fulfill her wish of protecting the human kind and complete the mission."  
  
"I DON'T CARE WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG! All I know is that my mother has died because of this, so I'll kill whoever related to it! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE WHOLE HUMAN KIND! I just want my mother to be back with me!" He grabbed the collar of the prince's shirt and in one swift and graceful pull, he ripped the front to the shirt off, revealing Koenma's bare chest.  
  
The youko skimmed his fingers across he uncovered skin and the teenage winced at the touch. The fingers ran over his neck, shoulders, collar bone and ended after drawing a bloody slit down the center of his chest. I could easily see the bead of sweat rolling down Koenma's forehead from the pain. Such a useless creature.  
  
Kurama pulled out a seed and planted it in the wound, sealing it with a kiss. " Don't worry, Koenma-sama, you will die soon, after the roses have grown through all your veins." A vine sprouted through the cut, as if on cue and would itself around Koenma's neck.  
  
"I have lost too much. Every time I put my heart in something, it soon leaves me. Kuronue, Shiori, I won't let this happen again, never again. Nothing can take him away from me anymore, nothing." The insanity in his voice, the meaning of the words; it can't be . . .  
  
"Kurama, what do you want to do?" he turned to me, and smiled.  
  
"I promised that I would return to you when all are over, and then, your heart will contain no once but me. Not one, not even . . ." no, that couldn't be happening . . . "ROSE WHIP!" the whip dashed past my face, and just the ki around it made a small gash on my neck.  
  
I watched as if in slow motion, as the weapon drew a smooth arc across the room, ready to cut through the victim. I couldn't care about he stems and thorns binding me anymore. I yanked with all my might, the spikes tearing through my flesh, butting deep down to my bones, ripping my skin into a mess and saw my own blood spilling across the broken tiles. The pain must be intense, but I didn't have spare mind to notice. I never knew how my body moved with its usual burst of speed under such conditions. Only one thing was on my mind: Yukina!  
  
I raced past the rose whip and placed myself in front of Yukina just in time. The whip came for me, and I sped towards it. I had to get as close to Kurama as possible. I had to give it one last shot.  
  
The whip ran through my heart. Everything went pitch black, but I had reached my target.  
  
I fell backwards, along with the tears gems, red and black, cluttering onto the ground.  
  
"HIEI!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
I walked through the mist, the humidity in the air clung to me, weighing my already heavy heart down. Where was I? Why was I here? I wandered further, and nobody was there. All was peaceful. Should I take a rest here? I felt too weak to go back. Yes, I should stop.  
  
I sat down, but a dread kept pulling me, an instinct kept telling me that was not for me. Hiei. I needed him. Where was he? He wasn't there with me. I wanted to go back, to Hiei, the only thing that mattered to me. But a force was blocking. I tried and tried, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Hiei. I kissed him, and ensured him that I would return. I was sucked back once more.  
  
I fought against that force, and suddenly, it disappeared, and I saw my rose whip running through Hiei's heart, his blood from all of his wounds was splashed on me. He fell backwards, and tear gems fell from my shirt pocket, the one he ripped open. Crimson gems, just like his blood, the symbol that we were one. We were one, Hiei. Hiei? Why weren't you waking up? Hiei! HIEI!  
  
"HIEI!" tears sprang to my eyes, but they were not enough to express the pain in my heart. What should I do?! He was covered completely in blood; the wounds were so deep and hideous that I did not bear to face them. What happened to you? Who did that to you? What it me? Answer me, Hiei, open your eyes and answer me!  
  
"Kurama-kun, let me take a look at him. I'll try to heal him. Please summon some plants or herbs to treat the other cuts," Yukina's soft voice rang out beside me and I quickly stepped aside. She gathered her youki into a faintly glowing ball and placed it over Hiei's heart. The blood stopped pouring out, and the skin slowly sealed together. Yukina shut her eyes in concentration, sweat appearing on her forehead as her own blood soaked through her kimono. Finally, she opened her eyes and let out a deep breath.  
  
"It's fine now. The wound is a centimeter away from the heart, so his life is not in danger. I don't have any youki left, so please help me heal his other gashes, fast, or he would be too weak from excessive loss of blood."  
  
I fumbled through my hair and found the correct seeds. The plants they grew into started to spread spores around the body, making the blood clot and quickly forming scabs, the fell off after further treating. I forced some herbs that would regain his strength down his throat. At least he looked fine now, just so pale that I could almost see through him. But he still lay there, not moving.  
  
"Yukina-san, why isn't he waking up?" I asked, my voice weak and panic-stricken.  
  
"He is exhausted, so maybe he will come to once he has regained enough energy. Maybe, but perhaps he never will. That depends on his determination. I'm sorry," she replied as her eyes tear up and cream coloured tear gems joined the red and black ones on the ground.  
  
"No, it can't be. Hiei, look at me! Open your eyes and look at me!" I carried as I shook his limp body. I pressed him as close as possible against me and let my tears moisten the fabric of his cloak. This had happened before, and you used to put your arms around me. You were just as warm as that time, so why were you motionless?  
  
"Hiei! You can't leave me! You said that to fulfill your dreams, you must be alive and keep on fighting, so tell me again hat everything's going to be fine. I can't lose you, I really can't, or else there won't be a meaning to my life anymore. Come back to me, please, I'm begging you. Don't leave me alone again; I have been lonely for too long."  
  
"Kitsune . . . too tight . . . can't breathe," I loosened my grip and quickly held Hiei firmly by the shoulders so that he faced me. His eyelids were half open, his ruby orbs shining tiredly and he wore a small smirk.  
  
"HIEI!" I squealed in delight, but soon, fresh tears poured down. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me," I said as I fell into his welcoming arms, sobbing out all my emotions I kept secret. "Hn. It's fine, kitsune. It's not your fault."  
  
"So you guys ready for real revenge?" Koenma asked. I nodded. "THEN GET THIS STUPID PLANT OFF ME!!" 


	18. Night of Anticipation Night of Dread

Sorry for the delay. Shizuru (Kuwabara's sister) will reappear in this chapter. Don't forget her, she appeared in chapter 9 before) There will be two more chapters, and I think most won't be satisfied with the ending. But don't forget, there's the second of the anthology.  
  
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Chapter 17: Night of Anticipation; Night of Dread  
  
I never found enough courage to go on to the next day I never want to let go of the happiness of tonight I never want to let go of you But in order to do so, I must face tomorrow  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
I sat on my bed as I heard the water started running in the bathroom. Hiei was taking a bath. He was back, but Shiori was gone. I could heart he broken sobs coming from the other rooms, as my stepfather and stepbrother mourn over Shiori, who, Hiei explained as expressionlessly as possible, died form a car crash.  
  
The pain of the past 24 hours still lingered in my mind, but I must move on, only to be hurt by the next era.  
  
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(flashback)  
  
"Are you sure you want to carry out the mission tomorrow?" Koenma asked seriously.  
  
"If you don't want another rose growing out of you, then go ahead and delay," Hiei threatened. Although his voice was still weak, the power hidden in it was unmistakable. He had his head on my shoulder.  
  
"Fine, then come to my office tomorrow morning. The only way to get to the dimension is by death, so I will give you tow poison. If your soul gets to split into two, I would keep the remaining soul without its most important part. No matter you complete the mission or not, I will revive you, but I don't know how to join the souls back together, so I don't know what would be left of you. Are you prepared for this?"  
  
"Isn't using a katana for death easier?" Hiei asked back, a hint of challenge in his tone.  
  
"No! It is not! I don't' want to revive you finally and you die again because of overflow of blood from the wound!"  
  
"Koenma, why can't Kuwabara and I go too?" Yusuke complained while tending to the cuts I caused him.  
  
"Because this mission is too great a risk, and I can't afford to lose all four of you. Besides, Kurama and Hiei are more experienced, so they are unlikely to act on the spur of the moment. Do you get me?!" Koenma demanded harshly.  
  
"Ok, ok. Getting all bossy because of that stupid rose," Yusuke muttered under his breath. Luckily the prince didn't catch it.  
  
"Don't make me repeat myself" Hiei answered for me also. Somehow I did not want to talk. I felt guilty for keeping the true reason I wanted to go on the mission form them all, especially Hiei. Sorry, even though I knew a thousand would not be enough.  
  
(end of flashback)  
  
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"Kurama, don't stare into space. It is too easy for others to know what you are thinking that way."  
  
I looked up and found Hiei with nothing but a towel around his waist, droplets water sill visible in his ebony hair. His ivory complexion seemed to glow softly in the dark room, and I couldn't help bur remember how comforting it was to touch it. The room suddenly felt like an inferno, and my face flushed red. I should not be feeling this way when the situation was so critical, but I could not control my furiously pumping heart to slow down.  
  
"H . . . Hiei, put some clothes on," I said as I averted my gaze onto the bed, but that only made things worse.  
  
"Kurama, tell me why you want so eagerly to go on the mission. You know I have been covering for you in front of Koenma. What are you hiding?" I could feel his eyes burning into me, and I was breaking down under his pressure.  
  
"What are you talking about?" I frowned and clutched the bed sheets, watching intently as I toyed with it, trying my best to not look at him. " You know I won't hide thing from you," I like, with a sick feeling in my stomach.  
  
"Hn. It's fine if you don't want to tell me," he said as he sat down next to me on the bed. I net his eyes, and found myself unable to pull away from the scarlet irises. I moved unconsciously, and soon I was against the wall, my head trapped with Hiei's arms on each side, my body trapped with weight on it.  
  
"Kurama, I just want you to know that," he leaned in closer and his cheek brushed against mine as he whispered in my ear, "if you don't' get out of this mission alive, I will never forgive you." With that, he rose and tuned away. I caught his arm before he got down the bed. I didn't know why I did that. I didn't even know what I was feeling.  
  
"Where are you going, Hiei?" I didn't let go.  
  
"To put on some clothes as you said, baka kitsune." I didn't want to let go. If I did, would he slip away just like Shiori did? The way she called my name as if her life depended on it; the way she struggled; the last spark of life put out as her hand lost its strength; the way I lost her forever . . . I would never let go again.  
  
"Hiei, I'm scared. I don't want to lost once more. I want Shiori back with me," I pleaded as tears rushed to my eyes.  
  
"She's dead." His reply was short and cold, and he tried to jerk his arm away. I tightened my grip and pulled him into my embrace. I pressed him close and felt his cool skin against my burning face.  
  
"Kitsune, she is dead. Get over it. Even if there is a way to bring her back, don't do it. What is done is done, and there's no point in changing anything," he said and ran his hand through my hair in a soothing way. His words hit my heart.  
  
"So you render revenge useless? So what I am doing is wrong?"  
  
"Revenge itself is meaningless. It is just a way people try to let out their regrets and guilt. Do you really think the dead could see anything? Let alone feeling happy when someone else is killed. Don't do things because you regret, but because you want to prevent the regret."  
  
"Then don't make me regret, Hiei. Don't ever leave me. The guilt was suffocating me when you almost died today."  
  
"I can make no promise of that kind, for it is not in my power to control. I may leave you tomorrow, but I am grateful enough to have known you for so long. Nothing is eternal, just treasure what you have now."  
  
"I know that, but it still hurts to admit the truth. In reality, everything is painful." I gently kissed his neck, and soon, a red mark formed that matched the one on me. The crimson against his fair complexion stood out even more, just like a plum blossom on the fresh winter snow. I loved it, although I would fade in a few days.  
  
I gradually pressed Hiei onto the bed. I never wanted the next day to arrive; I was unsure of what would happen. I was afraid; I was lost. I didn't want to leave the secure arms of Hiei that encircled me, and yet, tomorrow comes along without delay. I knew I had to face it, had to fight again, so that I might have one more moment with my beloved.  
  
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Shizuru's POV  
  
I didn't know how long it had been since I came here. There was no time, no sun to tell you that it was daytime, nor a moon to inform you of the night. Not that it mattered anymore. It would be night when Sakyo came back, and day when he left. But recently, I had been having a weird feeling that this would not last any longer, that it was time for me to go back.  
  
The wall opened up, and Sakyo came back, blood soaking through his shirt and pants as usual, but not even a single bruise could be found on him. I was once too curious and took a peak at the outside, though he told me not to. I should have listened.  
  
The sight was gruesome. The reek of blood poured into my senses, unable to be driven away. Crimson almost flooded the floor, not even having the time to solidify before fresh ones run over it. Broken limbs lay everywhere, all newly cut, and on one arm, the fingers were still moving. Organs were spilled over the ground; a few sick shades of purple among the red.  
  
Hideous monsters stood everywhere, every type of torture weapon imaginable in their hands. Souls were trudging along, carrying huge boulders on their backs. The monsters lashed their whips, baton, and guns at the souls, and with every hellish scream came new paint to cover the floor. The sounds never end, vibrating through the vast torture chamber, joined together with other dying whispers and laughter of insane ecstasy, forming an elegy that never stopped ringing in my mind ever since.  
  
The souls were tortured to extreme that they were dying, and how I hoped that they wound, but no. Their bodies turned limp, but their senses keened, doubling the excruciating pain they felt. At the end of the day, they would go through the wall to their respective cells, and by then, the wounds, the broken limbs, would have all been cured and grown back. It was not mercy, but rather to let them get ready for the fresh round of bloodshed the next day. Death was no longer an escape; there was no escape.  
  
"Shizure, are you feeling well?" His words and touch brought me back from my thoughts, but that elegy still rang faintly in the back of my head. His clothes were back to that dead grey colour, and it appeared as if nothing ever happened.  
  
"No, I'm fine, but I've been having premonitions that I . . . might soon be going back . . ." I said and looked into his eyes sadly. But he smiled and took me in his arms. "It is best for you to go. This place doesn't deserve you, and you should not be forcing yourself to stay because of me. I have been way too selfish to keep you mine for so long. It is time . . ."  
  
"But I chose to come here, and I really am happy here with you."  
  
"No, you are not. Don't lie to yourself. You have made me understand what is important to me, so now I know what others feel like to have lost you. It is a little late for me in this life already, so go back, when it is still not too late for you."  
  
"But I can't just leave you here! You will die, no, I mean, you would never feel happy again!"  
  
"Promise me, go back and live your life to the fullest, and I will feel your content. That is enough; that is all I deserve. But no matter how long we part, keep the hope burning in your heart, and someday it will bring us together again. Before that, don't ever allow yourself to cry; don't ever be weak; don't make me worry."  
  
The tears from my heart landed on his should. "What about you? You can never get out of here!"  
  
"No, I will. After the long years of punishment Koenma set for me are over, I will be able to reincarnate, I will be able to go and find you. The torment here is only temporary. Nothing of it can compare to the life I led before."  
  
"But . . . but . . ." I could find nothing to say. He kept silent also, as I wept on his shoulder. There wasn't anything that I could do anymore, but pray that tomorrow would not be the day I would leave; that tomorrow would be the day I meet him once more.  
  
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Hiei's POV  
  
"Yukina-san, can you please keep this for us while we are away?" Kurama asked, as he took out a delicate bag filled with our tear gems from the last night and the night before. We stopped by Genkai's temple before going to Reikai just for this.  
  
"Sure, but can I see what's in there? So that at least I know what to search for I if accidentally lost it," she said as she received the pouch. Kurama smiled and nodded in approval, while I stood beside, pretending not to be looking and listening.  
  
"Wow! These are tear gems, aren't they? How did you get them, especially the red ones?"  
  
"Hmm . . . Hiei just happened to find them when he once traveled to the koorime's homeland in search of your brother."  
  
"Then you are really lucky! Legends say that red tear gems are formed when the tears of two destined lovers, who one of them is a koorime, are mixed together, and the lovers who created them or possess them will never be separated. My mother used to have one, but she showed to no one but me. She was afraid that it was going to be discarded just like my brother," she said and lowered her head, "so I'm really glad that you found 'them', Hiei- san," her sweet smile returned and she beamed at me knowingly.  
  
"Thanks, Yukina-san. We have to go now." Kurama bid farewell and instead of leaving first, I followed him this time, lingering behind just enough to hear what she murmured to herself.  
  
"Yes, I really am glad for you, because these gems only exist as a legend to the koorime . . ."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We reached Koenma's office and saw two small bottles of limpid fluid on his desk. Yusuke and Kuwabara had their most serious face, and the prince's expression didn't exactly relax the atmosphere. We didn't exchange glances; we didn't speak.  
  
I drank the liquid in one gulp before anyone could say anything. 


	19. Broken Souls Broken Vows

I'm sorry I dragged so long for this chapter. I was too busy reading X (manga by clamp). Anyway, this is the second last chapter. Hope you enjoy, and DON'T FORGET ME!!!! I'M NOT DEAD YET!!! GIVE REVIEWS!!! And I promise that the next chapter will be up next week. Also, go read my other story, if you have not, and give reviews!!!  
  
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Chapter 18: Broken Souls; Broken Vows  
  
I thought that I was already too tired to break anything So I just want a rest. It is not wrong, is it? But by doing so, I broke my soul, I broke our promise.  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
Darkness, then the surrounding shimmered, and the picture of a vast field of flowers came into focus. This seemed familiar, I had been here before . . . I turned, expecting to find Hiei beside me, but there was nothing but flowers.  
  
"Kurama-sama, we have met again," a sweet voice of a child rang out. The girl had purple hair and eyes, but who was she? How did she know my name? I just remembered having drank the poison with Hiei, but why did we drink it? Something was missing in my mind. All that surfaced in my head was the red tear gems, Hiei, and Shiori.  
  
"Where is Hiei?" I demanded, "Where is this? And how do you know my name?"  
  
"Don't worry, I can only meet one soul at a time, so Hiei-sama is in another dimension, and I will see him after you have made your wish. He is safe. This is the place where dreams come true, but only one that you want with your heart's desire. You told me your name a long time ago, a time that no longer exists for you because it is not in your memory now. My name is Murasaki."  
  
"I think that I am supposed to do something here . . . What is it?" I whispered as I tried to retrieve the lost areas of my memory, but to no avail. I didn't even feel a headache, or that I t was purposely blocked. There was just nothing at all.  
  
"Then that means what you are supposed to do, your duty, is not what you really want. What is your true wish?"  
  
"I want everything to return to how they were before Karasu made his wish." I wished all these never happened.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I can't alter the past. I can only change something in the future to suit you hopes."  
  
Then I want Shiori back. I never should have brought her into this, and she died because of me. I owe my life to her. But what about Hiei? He said that I should let things go and move on. I knew he was right, but . . . I wanted to make up to her, I really wanted her to be back. It was the only chance for me to fulfill my duties and promises to protect her.  
  
"What if I want somebody to come back to life?"  
  
"It is hard to get a soul away from the position where it is placed by the Reikai prince, so I must have a soul to take its place." She looked at me meaningfully and apologetically. "Once the soul is replaced, I cannot get the soul back without having another replacement. If you are willing to sacrifice all that, I will grant your wish."  
  
I could not leave Hiei behind, I promised him, but it is my responsibility towards Shiori. I owe everything I had to her, my life, my personality, without her, I would still be the cold-blooded murderer. Yet, I did not want to give up what I could build with Hiei, the time we would spend together if I ignore my duty. There was no way I could get both, wasn't there?  
  
My conscience was split into two, one telling me to be filial, the other to be loyal. I wanted to act according to my wish, but I could no longer tell whether it was right or wrong, that I was being fake or truthful to myself. I guess I was stuck in between, the two choices going in complete opposite directions, pulling me apart. I was frustrated, but even the agony was slowly breaking into two, and I realized I could never be whole again if I lose either one of them, Shiori or Hiei. Even if I get over her death, the guilt would be gnawing away my heart, little by little, and I could never be able to give myself totally to Hiei.  
  
Life would be living hell, so should escape? To a place where I could live with nothing, because won't be living anymore. Everything would stay in my mind as I wanted to remember.  
  
It was too painful to choose anything. I was too scared. I couldn't think anymore; I didn't want to think anymore. I made a choice that wasn't really there. It wasn't about the two responsibilities anymore; it was the only way I could ever feel happy again, by not feeling at all. I was already torn apart.  
  
"So what is your one last wish? Kurama-sama?"  
  
I'm sorry, Hiei.  
  
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Hiei's POV  
  
I couldn't see anything; I couldn't hear anything; I couldn't feel anything. It was like sleeping, only that you were completely conscious, yet unable to do anything with that consciousness. Kurama wasn't there.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hiei." His voice suddenly rang out from inside my mind. Then, his presence vanished. He wasn't anywhere anymore. "Kitsune, I'm never going to forgive you for this," I thought as a part of me as gone too. I didn't have time to cry.  
  
Blinding light illuminated the surrounding, and I found myself in a field of flowers. A girl was standing there, smiling.  
  
"Hiei-sama, nice to meet you. I have heard Kurama-sama talk greatly about you. What is your wish?" I couldn't sense any evil aura around her, nor could I really sense her as a solid form. More like vapour than anything else.  
  
"What have you don't to him?" I ordered.  
  
"I have just fulfilled his wish. He wanted his mother to be back to life."  
  
"Why are you doing this?"  
  
"Huh? What do you mean?" she blinked, obviously puzzled.  
  
"Why are you granting wishes? Why don't you just let them rest? Do you know what you are causing?"  
  
"I do these just because I want everyone to be happy. Too many people die without ever feeling what is joy, so all I want to do is help them." She said with a dreamy look, totally oblivious to the effects of her actions.  
  
"Do you really thing people will feel happy this way?" my voice sharpened, and she blinked in confusion once more. "Have you considered that by fulfilling a selfish wish of one, how many others will be hurt? For many people, their happiness is built on the pains of others. By letting one person live, hundreds may die, and is that worth it?"  
  
"You never knew this, did you? Thinking that the whole world is as pretty as the dreamscape you create, that nobody can be truly evil, that by helping others to their ultimate goal will make everyone happy and the world perfect. You are too naïve. Nothing is ever perfect, and nothing you do could ever make perfection. There is no method to make everyone happy."  
  
"What is dead is dead. If you don't let go, new things will never happen. Everybody has had their chance of life, and their outcomes are what their actions result in. Don't feel sorry for them. It's what they choose, and by giving them another chance, their decisions waver, and they start to regret, or their greed takes over them. Either option is far form the joy you want them to feel."  
  
"B . . . But," she stammered, "they all look so content when they made their wish."  
  
"Yes, content that they get what they want without having to think one tiny bit about how others feel; content that they get to escape what would happen to them, pushing all the grief that would befall on them onto the ones who love them most. Content is not happiness, it is when you know you have chosen the best option for yourself in a certain circumstance. If someone must choose between killing himself or killing the most important person to him, he would no doubt commit suicide. He is content. Is he happy? Has he ever thought about how guilty the other person must fell," I smiled bitterly at myself, "or how the one who loves him must feel?"  
  
"You love Kurama-sama? Then what are you feeling now?"  
  
"Anyway both of us will be dying, so there's no harm telling you. I'm mad at him, furious, even, that he left me with just a sorry. But calm down and think, and anger evaporates, leaving the intense residue of bitterness, knowing that my warnings merely bounded off him, that he still chose Shiori, that he could not let go. Maybe I have no position to lecture him at all, since I can't even let go myself. Of course, I'm hurt. I hate him for letting me know what love is, and then leaving a permanent dent on me that no one has ever did. Bu I still love him, despite these injuries, because they would not be here if I had forgotten him."  
  
"I told him before to forget, because I was afraid this will happen. I lied to him right in his face, pretending that I know everything I say, and I will do it, when I will do exactly opposite."  
  
"You look sad. Is it because of what I've done? Am I wrong?" she asked in confusion, staring with her deep violet eyes.  
  
"You are not wrong for wanting to help people. In fact, it is noble, but you underestimated the human nature. Remember that there is no way you can do something without unconsciously hurting someone."  
  
"Then how can I redeem my mistake? Is there anything you wish for?"  
  
"Honestly, I am worse than Kurama. I know what I am supposed to do, but am too selfish to do it. I have sunk too deep to pull myself out of this. Is there any way Kurama could be revived?" you can blame me for lying to you, Kurama, but you couldn't blame me for doing this. I was just repeating your steps. This was my blessing and punishment to you.  
  
"Yes, but then, you will have to take his place. I can grant you this last wish, but do me a favour," she said brightly, "can you please destroy my soul before you go? Once I am 'dead', this dimension will cease to exist and things will be back to normal."  
  
I was rather surprised by her request. I did not expect her to see through death so easily. "How do I do it? Once the wish activates, I would be gone, won't I?"  
  
"There is a little time needed for the wish to start, so you can use that time. I'm sure it's no problem for you. Don't fell guilty for killing me, and do not hesitate, or it will be too late. I know what I did wrong now, so I'm wiling to correct it. At least I know that many people will be less troubled without my presence." She replied as her form started changing to an adult. She had grown.  
  
"How long is the time difference?"  
  
"It should be about 0.01 second, but that should not be difficult for you," she watched me with hopeful eyes.  
  
"I'll try." I ripped off he bandage of my right arm, gradually adding youki to it, but holding the dragon back so that the power is accumulated but it takes no form. I had done this before.  
  
Slowly letting go, I watched as a smoky, translucent form of the kokuryhua taking shape in the air. The sky crackled with lightning, and the surrounding of the dimension blurred, wrapped around with a black, metallic aura. The omen of death. The dragon, not fully released, circled the sky, waiting for my commands. Wind whipped around me, making my cloak beat against it, creating a rattling sound. The ground had been torn of its cover, the flowers and plants long carried away by the wind.  
  
"Are you ready?" I shouted through the storm, and Murasaki only managed to nod while trying to hold herself onto the ground.  
  
I held up three fingers, signaling a countdown. As the last finger came down, she started glowing, and I felt myself being pulled into the darkness. I gave the command.  
  
As my eyes fell shut, I saw the dragon tearing through the air, almost cutting the dimension into two, and with a deafening roar, it engulfed the small glowing form of Murasaki. Then it suddenly dissipated, and I closed my eyes.  
  
An excruciating pain invaded my body, paralyzing me, shocking me. It tried to burst through my body, but was held within, so tightly that I could hardly breathe. I was bleeding, on the inside. I thought it was the aftermath of the wish, but as I felt I t completely eating away my soul, I finally knew what it was.  
  
It was love.  
  
Did you feel it too, Kurama?  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
I felt as if I was being pushed through a tunnel, tiny lights flew by, as I rushed forwards. The extreme speed made me feel sickening, but it became even worse when I came to a sudden halt. My mind whirled, and before I could come to my senses, I was being pulled back. What was happening? The spell couldn't have reversed, could it? I finally stopped, and I felt . . . solid.  
  
I opened my eyes. 


	20. I Want To Go On Loving You

This is the last chapter, everyone!! Finally I've finished it. Hope you enjoy. BE GENEROUS ON YOUR REVIEWS! WARNING: many people are going to kill me for this. *hides*  
  
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Chapter 19: I Want To Go On Loving You . . .  
  
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Kurama's POV  
  
I opened my eyes and saw Yusuke, Kuwabara and Koenma all crowded around me.  
  
"Look! Kurama is awake! Hey, Kurama, are you feeling OK?" Yusuke asked with a wide grin.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine," I lied. No, I wasn't. why was I here? I chose to die, I didn't want to be here, I could never leave without someone replacing me . . . I sat up with a start and looked at Hiei's body beside me. I fumbled for his hand. It was was ice cold and limp; there was no life in it. "Hiei . . ." I whispered, shivering unconsciously.  
  
"Kurama, congratulations for completing the mission. I have revived Shizuru as promised," Koenma announced formally, earning another round of cheers from the two boys. No, it wasn't me completed the mission.  
  
"Hiei . . . wake up," I whispered again, gently shaking his lifeless body. The reality surrounding me, suffocating me, making me heart pump furiously, as if it was shouting, wanting to break the dead silence that Hiei was giving. I opened my mouth; I wanted to yell, to pry his eyes open, but my voice was stuck. I knew I had lost my right to do so.  
  
"Kurama, I'm sure Hiei will come to after a while," Yusuke said reassuringly and place his hand on my shoulder.  
  
"DON'T LIE TO ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" I burst out and slapped his hand away. "Don't lie to me, I know that . . . he would not wake up," I murmured, turning back to Hiei. I skimmed my hand over his face, shuddering at the icy touch.  
  
Why did you do that? Didn't you say that you would never try to change the past, which you could only get over death? Didn't you tell me to do as you said? Then why did you break the principles you made up yourself? Didn't you know me enough that I could never live without you, that that was why I chose to escape? I had so many questions to ask you. You had to answer me, even if it's just a smirk, a smile, anything, but please stop lying there.  
  
I promise that I would never do thing like this again; I promise that I would do whatever you tell me to. I won't think about anyone else, so come back. Was it because all my vows were not trustworthy enough? Was that why you always refused to let me make a promise, because you knew that I was going to break it someday?  
  
Yes, that must be the reason. But, you weren't there with me that time, and I was so confused. I . . . I thought that if Shiori was not there, I could not put my love totally onto you, but now I knew, and I wanted to tell you. Wake up, Hiei. You must be joking, right? And you will open your eyes, just like last time. Don't let me wait longer.  
  
But he just lay there.  
  
I gently raised his body, holding him in my arms, and pressed my cheek against his. You were so cold, but I could make you warm, and then, your heart would start beating again, like mine. I'll give you all the warmth I had, if it could bring you back. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, wanting desperately the hold that was in me to be filled. Yet the more I held you, the emptier I felt. What I was holding was only a vacant shell.  
  
I had betrayed you, and I had no right to tough you, so push me away! Scold me, beat me, take revenge in any form, but not this. I know that you were dead, but I could continue believing that you were going to wake up. I didn't care if I was lying to myself. I still had the right to do this, hadn't I?  
  
I thought that I would cry, until I had no tears anymore. Now, no matter how much my eyes hurt, no tears were coming. You used to say that crying is a sign of weakness, and you hate it; so I won't cry. It hurt so much that I could not do anything but stay by your side until you come back. It was far beyond though sadness of crying.  
  
I continued holding him close. I would not cry.  
  
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Koenma's POV  
  
Now thing were really getting worse. It was obvious that Hiei . . . did no succeed in the mission. Of course I was sorry that we had lost one of the Tantei members, but now, it seemed that we were on the verge of losing another.  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara just stood there, looking grim, after the truth had set in. the room suddenly became intensely quiet. I knew the two Ningen were fighting back tears, but Kurama . . . He was too calm, and it unnerved me. It was normal if he had cried, yelled or broke into hysterics, since Hiei was his best friend, but I didn't expect . . . I'd rather be dealing with hysterics than with calmness now. Or was it really calmness?  
  
"Kurama . . ." I tried, and shifted left a little so that I could see his face.  
  
Totally expressionless. He was just hugging Hiei's dead body. This somehow reminded me of what he became right after Shiori died, but there was one difference. His eyes were golden that time. Now, it was . . . gray, or rather, so dull that I might have thought he was dead too. That was not good.  
  
"Kurama! Come back to the reality!" I yelled, shattering the silence in the room. I stepped forward and, unsure of whether to touch him or not, waved my hand in front of his eyes. He didn't even blink. Damn it!  
  
I threw my cautions to the back of my mind, grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard. "Kurama! SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE TOO THIS WAY!" it was no use. What should I do?! That's it!  
  
I took deep breaths and made my voice normal again, before speaking, "I think that I may have a way to bring Hiei back, if you will please tell me in detail what happened, Kurama." His irises flickered emerald, and after a while, he looked at me, though his sight was totally unfocused, it was good enough.  
  
"Well, what exactly happened? I need to know he situation," I consoled, not wanting to spoil this rare chance.  
  
"I made my wish . . . For Shiori to be brought back to life, but I had to replace her in the afterworld. I guess Hiei wished for me to be back, so he must have taken my place." He whispered emptily.  
  
"Remember that your soul would be split into two before you go into that dimension? I have the other half of Hiei's soul, and I can revive him on that, but I think the memories in the lost part of his soul can only return to him I few can track down his lost soul." I didn't want to go on with my explanation.  
  
"And?" he stared at me with those hollow eyes, and I shivered.  
  
"And, the chances that we will find it is slim. The afterworld is too vast, and there's no record of where each soul will go. I only know where I put them, but I have no idea where they will end up at." His head slowly dropped, and I quickly added, "It is worth a try, though. Even if we can't find it, I can still revive him."  
  
"What will become of him?"  
  
"I don't know," I avoided his gaze.  
  
He stood up abruptly, and I winced as the dead body hit the floor. Kurama didn't bother to even put it down. He brushed past the two teenagers, and left, without looking back. None of us made an attempt to stop him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kurama's POV  
  
I walked. Letting my feet bring me to anywhere they wanted. I stopped, and found myself at the doorstep of my house. I knocked instinctively. The door opened, and Shiori stood there, just like she always did. She smiled and led me in, then frowned. I made a miserable try to make myself look normal.  
  
"What happened, Shuuichi? Still can't find Hiei?" she asked. I assumed her memories regarding to her death were automatically erased as she was revived. Why didn't it happen to me too? Then I would at least forget my crime, my guilt, and could still wait for your return, hoping that not much of your memories were lost. But I didn't forget, and now I couldn't even hope for that, because even if you came back, I had no right to face you again.  
  
No, not totally because I lost my right. I had no courage to meet you, I didn't know if I could ever say a word to you without feeling that there was a barrier between us. A wall that I stupidly built up to escape.  
  
"I'm fine, Okaasan, and yes, I can't find Hiei. I'll go take a rest." I left without much of a glance at her. It hurt too much to see her and being reminded that Hiei died for my selfish wish.  
  
"Oh, Shuuichi, a blue-haired girl came today to let me give this to you," she said and chased up to me, handing me a delicate pouch. "She said her name is Yukina, and that 'please believe in the gems'." She smiled again and left me alone.  
  
On my way to my room, I passed many doors. There was one that pulled me towards it. I opened the door and stepped in. Memories of Hiei flooded over me, as the room was overwhelmed with his aura, his scent, and filled with objects that he left his mark on. I sank to my knees. I couldn't take it anymore.  
  
The closet full of Ningen clothing that I bought for him, that he wore with complaints. The half-made bed, the table with paper strewn all over it. The pouch fell from my hand, opened, and tear gems black and red rolled out. I picked up a red one. 'Everything that's mine belongs to you'.  
  
The feeling was too vivid. His aura on these objects was still fresh, and his voice continues echoing in my ears. The more realistic they were, the more I know they were the past. Something that is happening is never this real, like the tears that I felt collecting in my eyes. No, I promised not to cry.  
  
Promise? To who? Don't fool yourself. He was . . .already dead when you made that empty vow.  
  
A droplet glided across my cheek. Followed by another tow. Then countless fell, out of control, dripped down my chin, landing on the carpet, on my hands, which tightly clutched the gem and the fabric of my clothes. My chest started heaving up and down, gasping for breath, as tears almost choked me up. Broken sobs ran through my body. It didn't make me fell any better, only to tell me the painful truth that I was still alive.  
  
I didn't know how long I cried. I wished that I could drown in my tears. They continued coursing down my face, though the sobs were less violet. I held up a shaky hand and opened it, seeing the jewel, red as blood. It was the only thing that stayed unchanged in these few days. Still so perfect, so opaque yet so transparent, so round, so . . . filled with love, love that was frozen in it, captured while it was most beautiful.  
  
That would never happen again. The Hiei I knew was dead. I killed him; I killed his love. Once the new Hiei had awakened, the place of the old Hiei would be washed away and replaced in others' hearts. But not for me.  
  
He would still be Hiei, yet without his most important memories, he would be nothing. He won't remember how he died, but I would. Every scar that was erased from him was added double to me. I would suffer for him. I wanted that; I deserve that. At least I t told me is still love him, no matter how much I hurt. I want to go no loving him . . .  
  
The realization brought about a fresh round of tears, never ending. A few droplets fell onto the gem I was holding, covering it with a layer of liquid which reflected my face on it. The fluid diminished ht warm crimson glow of the gem itself, wrapping up the love with bitterness. It would never shine again.  
  
//~~~~~~~// Death could be peaceful; living could be painful. Everything is not what it seems. Depends on who you are with. //~~~~~~~//  
  
//~~~~~~~// Owari //~~~~~~~//  
  
IMPORTANT!! PLEASE READ!!  
  
Don't kill me yet. Do you want a sequel? I am planning one, but not sure when I will start writing it. Maybe I will hurry up if I get more review. Anyway, the next fanfic will be Seasons, so please look out for it!!  
  
See you soon.  
  
Double 


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